IM SORRY I WILL DO DAY 3 TMR I FEEL DEAD AND I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.
):
ON A SECOND NOTE, EDS NITE TMR,
YAYYYYYY!
STUFF TO SAY.
LIKE HOW HE BROKE HER PROMISE TO SAVE THE RACE OF PEOPLE.
ENEMIES, EVEN. BUT HE BROKE HER PROMISE
AND NOW SHE'LL SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE SEARCHING FOR HIM,
BUT KIND OF IMPOSSIBLE, I FEEL, SINCE HE'S IN A WHOLE OTHER REALM.
AND EVEN SO, HOW WILL SHE GET THERE?
HE. WILL KEEP MISSING HER WHILE HE RULES HIS KINGDOM.
HE WILL FIGHT AND RULE,
BUT HE WILL MISS HER.
SUXX.
but good show. :D
Dear Crush,
I like you the best among the other birds even though you are not the cutest
and is kinda crappy and splits into three even crappier birds.
But i just wanted you because you kinda remind me of myself, sometimes.
I guess it's not always about being the best, or getting that a plus (or three stars, in your case),
but rather, who will still accept you even if you know you are not as good.
even if you are losing out.
I like how you're sad instead of angry.
I like that you're not the best, but just floating along with the flow.
Even though that makes you a strangely misguided angry bird,
i think it doesn't make you any less of a bird.
Because you know that you may not be much, but you try anyway.
i think you are awesome and i'm gonna call you Blu.
:D
Love,
gina
You make my heart have premature ventricular contractions.
DAY ONE.Dear Best Friend,
You don't exist because i figured, what's the point of having a best one?
Then you'd have to treat them differently?
I mean, do you like them more than the others?
And then best means you only can have one among everyone.
So i guess i'm sticking to a bunch of close close friends.
In any case, the last one I had turned out to be an ultra bitch who deserves to eat worms,
who, oddly enough, thinks I like her too.
That was scary.
Love,
gina
- Day 1 — Your Best Friend
- Day 2 — Your Crush
- Day 3 — Your parents
- Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
- Day 5 — Your dreams
- Day 6 — A stranger
- Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
- Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
- Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
- Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
- Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
- Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
- Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
- Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
- Day 15 — The person you miss the most
- Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
- Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
- Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
- Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
- Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest - shooting LOL
- Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
- Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
- Day 23 — The last person you kissed
- Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
- Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
- Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
- Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
- Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
- Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
- Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
i mean, since my blog is crammed with tumblr stuff, already.
:D so exciting
shall start tomorrow :D
yesterday.
happy belated easter guys!
it's late ):well, not quite. 1:05am to be exact.
math test tomorrow. and a bunch of assignments due
which i have decided to rush out tomorrow in between lessons
but that's not the point.
i just wanted to say,
that nationals was just another little part of shooting.
and that i'm walking away from it.
well, not that it's any less upsetting,
it will always be, i guess.
knowing how much we put into this.
but i guess that doesn't make it a defining moment or anything.
it's just, over.
took me about a week to get over, but i think it's more or less welded in the past.
probably left a scar, but hey, aren't we all covered with those already?
realised i was a wreck last week.
and i wasted too much of my life thinking about something i couldn't exactly change.
and even if we could,
and lets say, go back and get that medal, would we really want it, now?
i mean, will we be truly happy then?
because honestly, i'm tired from the fight.
tired of seeing people blame themselves repeatedly.
tired of blaming myself, even.
tired from going back every few seconds to force an answer out of myself, why didn't we?
i don't know. funny as it is, i really don't.
but this is life! oh, boy. learnt the hard way to shut up and not question everything that happens.
and anyway, someone kinda told me that instead of looking at my eights and nines,
why aren't i looking at my tens?
which, well, changes things actually.
i still love shooting, doesn't change anything.
(i hate chocolate ice cream though. it's messed up. i really cannot stand it.)
it's just that, i figured it's over.
the national inter-school shooting championships 2011 are over.
not really a regret there, i guess.
maybe a few lessons.
in retrospect, i'm glad it happened how it happened,
because it's like we all kind of grown up a little overnight.
maybe we needed it, i don't know.
the point is,
it's over.
yeah. over.
(yessss a gazillion blog posts later and she finally figures this out!)
if you are that's what you're thinking, you are mean and are hereby banned from reading further posts.
go away and sit under the sink ):
Jack: I’m up for it, if you are.
Angel: Up for what?
Jack: Love-
Angel: And other crazy things-?
Jack: Yes, and other crazy things, yes.
up neeeeeeeext EDS NITE! :D
whoopie dee!
the minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long.
all i know is you came to me when i was at my lowest.
you picked me up, breathed new life into me.
i owe my life to you.
i'm about to lose my mind,
you've been gone for so long,
i'm running out of time;
i need a doctor.
call me a doctor, i need a doctor, doctor,
to bring me back to life.
from the oatmeal!! ♥
ARGH MIND BLOWN.
i hardly even play but this is so adorable i want to scream zomg
:D
Fresh Orange Juice
She thinks of you as she watches the man outside
the Kingsland church whose clothes
are as white as a Turkish scarf.This morning there is mist, thick
over the city and to the Bombays, probably to
Turkey and you and the blue umbrellas
on the terraces and the geraniums like
flying kisses and fresh orange
juice for you — only ever fresh
orange juice because you never did
like the taste of coffee.There is Turkish coffee on this menu.
But her eyes pass it by
for something Italian and a
muffin, and when the waiter brings her drink
she stirs it and the teaspoon burns
her tongue.Across the road in Kingsland the man all
dressed in white — except for red
flecks that stand out like geraniums on his
coverall — pulls an empty pig from a van full
of trotters, slings it over his shoulder and walks
with it into the meat shop.-Chloe Gordon
i just find it fucked up that we're telling everyone all that,you know,
that we'll come back stronger, that we're always there for them,
so don't be sad because there's always next year.
we'll get them next year.
that we're a family and it's only a competition,
and we're so much more than that.
everyone seems to believe it. most of us are moving along,
some didn't care from the start, most just started to accept it,
cos what the heck, nothing we can change about it, anyway.
now tell me why the hell i can't bloody get over it?
it just seems stupid every time i find myself thinking about it.
stupid because no one should harp on something for that long.
and i don't even feel like telling anyone because it just seems like the same old boring story,
if it hasn't already annoyed them before.
have completely no idea how to explain it, at all.
all i know is my heart broke when i saw the results,
i just, i don't know, apologised over, and over to them.
they told me it was fine, don't read too much into it,
we don't really need a medal, gina, calm down, really.
but i couldn't, because it's like something you've fought for forever
being thrust into your grip and yanked away.
hard.
and funnily enough,
the same bloody thing happened three times in a row for three consecutive days,
you tell me how to get over something like that?
you don't.
you don't, you can't, you won't.
you don't just accept it and smile and get on with life.
you don't because it was supposed to be yours for the taking, and knowing you came close just amplifies the pain a few hundred folds.
and probably you don't want to hear me rant about it anymore,
same old story, really.
there's nothing new about it.
except i don't quite know how it still feels so fresh every time i go back and think about it.
this is the part where we make sure everyone is happy, and moving on.
but inside, we know that we'll never, ever get over it ourselves.
at least i know i won't.
feel ridiculous for feeling like this.
but i really, really want another chance.
so please, please just let me have a team next year.
pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease, dammit.
at the end of the day,
you come to realise a lot of things.
i guess, it doesn't seem so suffocating anymore.
and i just feel like i've learnt so much in these 3 days.
figured in the end,
air weapons is not about nationals.
it really isn't.
realised that we have reduced the sport to this one competition.
say that we would trade all our medals just for this one.
say that if we don't make it here, we're as good as gone.
say that everything we have been doing, was for nationals.
truth be told, i lived by that too.
nationals was everything to me. thought i had lost it all.
might have almost made rash decisions in that whirl.
then tuesday night.
i don't know, but tuesday night really snapped me out of everything.
it just suddenly hit me that awc is so much more than one competition.
we are the people who travel across the country to train,
who sit out at the platform and no other school dares touch it because it's ours.
who play cards until coach comes and chases us,
who messes up the inners and shoes and piss the seniors off a lot, but in the end
we grit our teeth and fold them back properly for our juniors.
the ones who cramp up the entire bus when we mass transport weapons,
then block the pathway to safra range when we kill each other with werewolves.
it's not that we can just classify shooting into the nationals.
shooting is so much more but
i can't really tell you what it is, only what it feels like.
it feels like home.
it feels like nothing else matters when we're shooting.
maybe.
maybe we lost it out narrowly in nationals.
but really,
what have we won, instead?
you be strong, now.
even though it seems like you never knew things would screw up so badly.
and somehow you want it to be your fault,
but they really need you now.
all the juniors, the seniors, maybe even.
we need you to hold everything together until it's over.
and then while you watch out for everybody,
i promise i'm watching out for you.
nobody could have predicted anything,
but mostly, nobody could have known what should have or not been shot.
all we know is that the target cards all have holes in them.
i promise things will get better, somehow.
i can't tell you what it really is, i can only tell you what it feels like,
and right now,
there's a steel knife in my windpipe,
i can't bloody breathe.
one of those things that keep coming back. don't feel like repeating it to anyone.
so many people would ask how it was
smile and say it went okay,
but did you win? lost by two points.
said it so many times it's kind of become hard to believe.
see people giving out leave forms for thursday. statuses about it.
congratulations. you guys did awesome.
and you feel really, really stupid that all that matters.
but it does.
at the end of the day,
shooting is about three digits. i don't know why,
but tell me who doesn't think of it in that way?
so just stop telling me that it's going to be okay,
or asking me for that matter.
i'm not. once and for all, i'm not okay.
i don't think i'll ever be okay again.
and as superficial and stupid and selfish it seems to be harping on this,
you have no idea.
it's not that i'm trying to stretch it and make it sound sympathetic,
so more people will come up to me and pat my shoulder,
and tell me that it's just one competition, you'll do better next time?
i know. okay? i know.
it's not about doing better next time.
it's about how we didn't get it this time.
and yes, it is that.
i have never, i swear. i have never been like this before.
not when some idiot stole my handphone and wallet in secondary one.
not when i screwed up my tests,
not when i did some other shit that got me in trouble.
never.
and i have no bloody idea how to deal with it because it just keeps coming back
and when it does, it comes back in waves.
huge, tsunami types. washes over you and suddenly, all the positivity that was heaped onto you just disappears.
i will never be okay. so stop telling me to be.
it's not like i particularly enjoy sitting around ranting something i can't change.
you know that this nationals would have defined everything.
all i know is that we could have should have would have.
i have no idea how i'm going to pick myself off of this.
and for the first time, i don't have a plan for this.
i don't have a post-it with a list.
i don't have anything, actually.
seems like a whole other universe away.
we are all shooters,
but when we watch out for others,
who's watching out for us?
days like these when you stop searching under your bed for monsters,
when you start to realise,
the monsters are all in us.
i'm really, really sorry.
i'm sorry for complaining so much about it.
i'm sorry for telling everyone the same old shit.
i'm sorry for being the worst company now.
i'm sorry to all the people who think i should just get over it.
i'm sorry to everyone who tried to make me feel better.
i'm sorry for the eights. and nines that should have touched tens.
i'm super sorry for being suck a wreck yesterday and today.
i'm sorry, gina. for screwing up the very thing you believed in.
i'm sorry, i'm still thinking about it non-stop.
but mostly and i'm just sorry, yulian. i'm really, really sorry. and i want you to know that you are a great shooter, and you will do it tomorrow at nationals, and you will get what you want with your team, and you've worked so hard for this you deserve the best and don't stop believing and just keep in mind that feeling you had when they put the medal over your neck, or when you roll back an inner ten, or when your coach smiles at you and nods. or the times we ran out of the range at nine forty five pm. tomorrow, do your best and believe that your best is enough. you can do it, captain.
you can. and it will be enough.
no matter what it is, if i'm even entitled to say this,
i'm proud of you too.
i'm sorry.
let the rain wash away
all the pain of yesterday
for all the times we took the 11pm train home.
and the times we ambled to trainings, while others were rushing home.
and for all the people who laughed at us for doing so,
because it seemed there were better things to do.
for all the times we dragged our suits across half the island,
or carried our rifles up.
got scolded by our coaches, or tried to hide cards under stacks of better ones.
for all the times we looked back on our holidays and our unfinished homework,
and realised that we had spent all our time on shooting,
and it's a different sort of satisfaction.
for all the one and a half hours journey back and forth.
for all the times we cried because we let everyone down,
or the times our hearts skipped a beat and we felt like we'd never be happier.
for all the times we sat there in our inners, the last ones to leave the range.
for wobbling around and trying to walk in our suits.
for rolling the target back and seeing the hole sit prettily in the middle
for standing there shaking like an idiot, but refusing to let go put the gun down.
for trying to talk while coach was looking away.
for shooting cross lanes at someone else's cards.
for falling in love in between shots.
you know,
they were right. we were crazy for doing so much for shooting.
every minute spent was worth it.
every time we lifted the gun against our hearts
and tried to aim.
no matter what happens tomorrow,
i love you guys.
you are all my superheroes.
let the world flow away,
shoot.
it's not scared like looking at a test paper you didn't study for.
or scared like seeing a spider scurry across the floor
or scared like trapped in the headlights of an incoming car.
i don't know.
just go away if you don't want to hear me rant
because it's completely irrelevant to your lives anyway.
and maybe i should just shut up because whut,
it's only nationals.
gina, you are overreacting.
i'm scared, okay??
scared like stepping out unprepared into a crowd of ten thousand
and having everyone stare and you and
judge you and all you can do is
blink and stare helplessly.
need someone who won't judge.
and just let me talk for all i want,
and shut up and listen and
still tell me that everything is going to be okay in the end.
somehow wish that i knew for sure tomorrow will be okay
and not have to face letting down a whole crowd of people.
but mostly,
i'm just afraid of letting myself down
because i know the person who's the hardest on me
is myself.
this is six month's worth.
all down to one hour and fifteen minutes.
it's not whether i can do it or not.
i don't think i have much of a choice.
i just have to.
all i know is that,
i'm scared.
i'm really, really scared.
zomggggggg.
nationals on monday,
i know i'm prepared, but sometimes
you know, when everything is at stake,
things have a tendency to go wrong.
but i swear, i will not let it happen again.
i think.
but it's shooting. and i love shooting. i can do it. really. i can.
zomg.
):
i have to do this well ):
BUT DAMMIT I'M SCARED LIKE HELL I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO DENY THAT I'M NOT.
really, really, really scared but they say it's okay to be scared.
):
haish.
it's okay to make mistakes because
life didn't really come with instructions.
i love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life's worth it.- tom, 500 days of summer
18th april, 1.10pm. nationals._.
been gearing for this since december,
i cannot let myself down again.
i just cannot.
will hunt for my life back after that,
i guess.
idk who i like better. :D
zomg :D
so cute.
PHYSICS GLIDER! Y U NO FLY 24M!?!
suxx.
we get what we want, we do what you don't,
dirt and glitter cover the floor
dirt and glitter cover the floor
some random aep museum trip picture that i find fascinating because it's so
red.
like seriously, it's just red.
well, tgif but today is one of my happier days since, i don't know, forever.
let's face it, life sucks.
but then every now and then it prattles back to give you more reasons to hang on.
more reasons why you do what you do.
all i know is,
when everything screws itself over,
it never leaves and it's always been there for me.
always.
i'm a freakin' literature student. zomg.
this is what i do and i don't really care about what the world thinks anymore.
nothing else makes me happier.
(really!)
(okie maybe something else does. veeeeeeery slightly.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.)
i like ice-cream. but i really don't like chocolate ice-cream.
i mean, do you want it hard or soft? if you're going to eat chocolate then eat the real thing!
not some squishy substitute.
:D
one week pluz pluz to nationals.
FINGERS CROSSED.
which is weird because you can't really pull the trigger like that.
):
yawnz.
i kind of lost my regular sleeping routine that most humans have.
i sleep when i want to
which amounts to quite a lot.
especially during the sleepable subjects.
:D
who honours those we love for the very life we live? who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time, things that will never die? who teaches us what's real, and how to laugh at lies? who decides why we live, and what we'll die to defend? who trains us, and who holds the key to set us free? it is you. you have all the weapons you need.
now fight.-sweatpea, suckerpunch.
i mean,
duh. like, seriously.
)<
BIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNTIL TREE.
i don't know.
i guess you could say shooting has always just been this part of me that comes and goes.
like now.
like when it comes, it fills up everything and that period in your life,
it's the only thing that matters as much.
and. yeah. so i say it's my cca, and i train a bunch of times every week,
but it's just different from everything else because one lousy score can
you know,
tear me apart or something.
which is odd, i don't feel that way for tests, which comparatively, should be more important to a student.
so the conclusion is that when i'm shooting, nothing else really matters.
but it lets me down every single time.
i don't know, since the start, we have been fighting for this,
or fighting for that,
and we heard stories about seniors getting kicked out days before nationals,
and we cringe about it,
but when it happens to you, it just feels surreal. i don't know.
i guess your body allows you to react accordingly.
smile, nod, say that you understand, continue training like nothing ever changed.
next day, you won't need to turn up for training anymore.
two weeks later, they compete without you.
even though you were there from the start and all that time spent,
suddenly nobody bothers because hey,
there you are and you've just been tossed aside.
to be fair, it had to be done. seemed like the reasonable option, of course.
but sometimes you just wonder if it's really just about the medals.
that was last year.
i don't know, it's not something you get over easily,
which seems really stupid and calculative, but you don't just walk away from something like this.
then when it starts all over again, but in a different sense.
seems to me there isn't a year where everyone leaves happy that they
were given the recgonition that they thought they earned.
they tell you that the firing line is your stage.
they hand you a gun.
they ask you to please, just have fun,
because the score is just a number, you know?
i know.
it's a bloody number that means everything, okay?
you will tell us what we want to hear of course, but when we don't shoot like we should,
suddenly we don't matter.
you can sort of sense it when you know you are being judged by your previous mistakes.
it's an unforgivable sort of sport.
and at the end of the day, everyone bloody reduces it to three digits that apparently matters so damn much.
why?
so what now? we train, and we get in, and we get the damn medals for them, and we're out?
because i used to remember a time when we were really in it for love,
which drives you to do crazy shit like reaching home at midnight and starting on your homework, and feeling like you're going to fail all your tests, but knowing that you had a fulfilling training that day and it makes it all better.
but now.
i suppose it's only fair, though. what with nationals around the corner,
what, two weeks? and there's always the select few who has to bring in the medals,
the supporting ones just there to fill up the team,
and of course the remaining ones who will hover quietly in the back when the team receives the medals.
people gather for a photo, they grimace and try to hide.
i love shooting, you know?
and i keep thinking that it was one of the best decisions i ever made
ever since that day i hesitated and stared at the teacher and somehow said okay i'm in.
and suddenly i was part of something much bigger.
something which actually means the world to me now, more or less.
but then there come a time when everyone is expecting so much.
we wear our suits, and bear the weight of the gun
but you know you also carry the weight of all the shitloads of expectations
and you go up there alone.
and you shoot.
one shot, two shot, through to forty.
you make it or you break it, and it changes that piece of your life.
it's not their fault, of course.
i mean, the school provides and funds, we bring in the prizes,
sounds like a fair deal, i guess.
but you know, somewhere in between the line of attaining glory, it becomes
a rivalry between friends, it becomes your heart slamming into your ribcage every time you wait for an email to load, because it just means that much. that you wouldn't cry for anything in the world,
but you would, for shooting.
it's weird, i don't quite get it myself.
all i know is, there are days, where everyone is staring at you, you are wedged up in the lanes between other shooters, people are everywhere,
but you pick up your gun and you feel more alone than ever.
all i know, though, is i won't ever walk away from it, as much as it kills me sometimes,
because i cannot.
because i have to shoot, even if everything about why we are doing it is screwed up.
i don't know. maybe it's
for that fragment of a minute when i'm raising my gun,
everything seems normal for once.
like how it should be.
but
like how it indefinitely isn't.
):
i confess you are the best thing in my life.
HELL YEAH. )<
okie back to the world where i am
FREAKING OUT
about surviving my tests.
more on surviving though.
and i accidentally ate pineapples.
so i might wake up screaming tomorrow,
i guess.
):
I HAVE AN OCD FOR WRITING V=IR FOR EVERYTHING EVEN IF I JUST WROTE IT A FEW CENTIMETRES AWAY AND LEFT IT THERE UNTOUCHED.
virrrrrrrrrrrrr.
): i don't know, really.
7:51pm.
raining out the whole afternoon.
it feels so cold,
you know?
warning: long, long post and you are probably better off studying, or something.
this is for me.
"because you whirled into my life that night at the train station, like a darn splash of paint, when my life was grey. "
i guess there comes a point of time in your life where you get so unimaginably busy,
but you suddenly stop and re-read the past for the hundredth time
and you realise how much you've grown since then
and it's a nice feeling, really.
because i imagine i was a cynical kid back then. holy crap, just look at that.
i don't know. i guess i was just scrolling and reading everything simultaneously
and it just hit me that back then, when we thought we'd never make it, when we complained that it was the end,
we somehow made it out.
and then because of it, we grew in our weird little way.
because of the many, many things i was afraid of doing back then.
then i had to get my brain to stfu,
sometimes it turned out alright, but then sometimes it didn't.
that every fall i ever had was kind of worth it.
and things changed so much, in the most unimaginable sense.
2011. to say i've did all i wanted to already.
because from experience, i didn't dare to leave out anything because i was scared.
i took a heck load of risks but then again, there comes a time where falling doesn't seem as scary because you know it all too well.
i guess it was more of reading my posts then, and reading my posts now,
and realising how absurdly different they are.
and also a lot of wtf was i thinking?(s)
because i wasn't. apparently.
but now seems so surreal.
like i know school is killing me, but then at the side
there's something keeping me more alive than ever as well.
and they meet in the middle and my insides kind of spontaneously combust.
they talk of someone being just anyone else one day,
and the next day, they mean the world to you.
of to the world, they are just someone,
but to you, they are the world.
of handing them a gun and trusting they won't pull the trigger.
of having them on speed dial because you know they meant it when they said they would be there.
of breaking all your own rules and stepping off the edge
and falling.
and it's the strangest thing ever, because i don't regret it.
i guess what i'm trying to say here is that you don't know how much you mean to me.
and i don't care who gives us a smug smile because they are just watching from the sidelines.
and i really don't care if we are being judged, because there is no judgment between us at all.
it's, well, i wouldn't say protective,
it's more like comfortable. and mostly, just because it feels right.
then i was reading back on my earlier life, and i found out that i laughed at it, a lot.
and i was so sure that it'd never happen.
that i would smile at them incredulously and reassure them that it wouldn't because it was just impossible.
but you know, that you always find someone in the end that makes you understand why the others all didn't work out.
i just didn't think it would end up in a circle and all lead back to you
and that was well,
it kind of sent me down this spiral of denial for a while.
like, i refused to admit it, even to myself. in retrospect, i don't know what i was so bloody scared of. maybe it was not knowing.
maybe it was because i shut myself away from it for two years straight
and now i have to open it again, with the possibility of facing all the dragons from my past.
not that i had a valid excuse for being scared.
but sometimes, being scared is okay. because it means you still have something to lose.
i was so terrified of being in love, i made it my resolution for two years straight.
it sounds so immature and dumb and stupid now but i suppose it was a self-protection mechanism or something -.-
but then all the stupid love songs started to make sense and i just knew i was in deep shit.
and for a moment there, i felt certain that my life was screwed up and i was screwed because i was probably not going to survive it because really, who does?
ouch.
but still, it was one of those rare occasions where life decides to be nice about things.
i looked to my right, and suddenly i was not alone.
you know that feeling when you get a helium balloon, and it's bobbing around in the air,
and you tie it to your wrist, and suddenly you are handed this responsibility to keep it alive as long as you can. and you are extra mindful of everything, but every time you feel that faint tug on your wrist, you feel really happy.
that's kind of how love feels like, i think.
the thing is, i've gone in way too deep.
i look up at you, and you are looking there and i think happiness.
not a happiness like when you gotten an a-pluz on your test,
more like a happiness when you take your first flight on a plane.
there's something about meaning so much to me.
and that i never want to lose any bit of this.
and they ask what we can't live without.
i cannot live without you because you make up this little part in me.
okay it's not little. it's colossal.
i don't need to put on a strong front in front of you because you will accept me, anyway.
but mostly, it's just because you don't mind.
you know, love isn't blind. it sees but it just doesn't mind.
i don't actually know why i'm writing this.
but i'll tell you one thing,
it's always better when we are together.
but maroon 5 said that it's not always rainbows and butterflies,
it's compromise that moves us along.
it was a long ride, and a bunch of crap along the way that made me feel like i should give up.
it wasn't entirely easy the whole way, but it was worth it.
it's a lot about having faith, i guess.
holding on when you get so scared it might end.
a lot of trusting, and going back to the start when you try to remind yourself why you are doing it again.
love is weird.
it is. but get this, if there might be a possibility, at all, that you can get it, don't bother hesitating and denying and denying because sometimes the things we can't change ends up changing us.
i would say you complete me in the sense that i never knew i was incomplete before.
and dumb as that sounds,
you don't just let someone who changes you like that go.
you just don't.
because channing tatum is in the picture :D
happy belated april fool's day, everyone!
:D
what a day.
than brainless ass-kicking
decided that rocket's my favourite, haha from the moment when she said
we're already dead.but imho it wuz good :D
weekends ):
april fool's day in sch was like, uneventful ):
but, wow HAHA
you muz really luv me a lot :D
rocket! zomg.
4:27am. awesomesauce.
i think i will be cranky tomorrow and try to kill everyone around me twice over.
ugh.
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