at the end of the day,
you come to realise a lot of things.
i guess, it doesn't seem so suffocating anymore.
and i just feel like i've learnt so much in these 3 days.
figured in the end,
air weapons is not about nationals.
it really isn't.
realised that we have reduced the sport to this one competition.
say that we would trade all our medals just for this one.
say that if we don't make it here, we're as good as gone.
say that everything we have been doing, was for nationals.
truth be told, i lived by that too.
nationals was everything to me. thought i had lost it all.
might have almost made rash decisions in that whirl.
then tuesday night.
i don't know, but tuesday night really snapped me out of everything.
it just suddenly hit me that awc is so much more than one competition.
we are the people who travel across the country to train,
who sit out at the platform and no other school dares touch it because it's ours.
who play cards until coach comes and chases us,
who messes up the inners and shoes and piss the seniors off a lot, but in the end
we grit our teeth and fold them back properly for our juniors.
the ones who cramp up the entire bus when we mass transport weapons,
then block the pathway to safra range when we kill each other with werewolves.
it's not that we can just classify shooting into the nationals.
shooting is so much more but
i can't really tell you what it is, only what it feels like.
it feels like home.
it feels like nothing else matters when we're shooting.
maybe.
maybe we lost it out narrowly in nationals.
but really,
what have we won, instead?
you be strong, now.
even though it seems like you never knew things would screw up so badly.
and somehow you want it to be your fault,
but they really need you now.
all the juniors, the seniors, maybe even.
we need you to hold everything together until it's over.
and then while you watch out for everybody,
i promise i'm watching out for you.
nobody could have predicted anything,
but mostly, nobody could have known what should have or not been shot.
all we know is that the target cards all have holes in them.
i promise things will get better, somehow.
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