i just find it fucked up that we're telling everyone all that,you know,
that we'll come back stronger, that we're always there for them,
so don't be sad because there's always next year.
we'll get them next year.
that we're a family and it's only a competition,
and we're so much more than that.
everyone seems to believe it. most of us are moving along,
some didn't care from the start, most just started to accept it,
cos what the heck, nothing we can change about it, anyway.
now tell me why the hell i can't bloody get over it?
it just seems stupid every time i find myself thinking about it.
stupid because no one should harp on something for that long.
and i don't even feel like telling anyone because it just seems like the same old boring story,
if it hasn't already annoyed them before.
have completely no idea how to explain it, at all.
all i know is my heart broke when i saw the results,
i just, i don't know, apologised over, and over to them.
they told me it was fine, don't read too much into it,
we don't really need a medal, gina, calm down, really.
but i couldn't, because it's like something you've fought for forever
being thrust into your grip and yanked away.
hard.
and funnily enough,
the same bloody thing happened three times in a row for three consecutive days,
you tell me how to get over something like that?
you don't.
you don't, you can't, you won't.
you don't just accept it and smile and get on with life.
you don't because it was supposed to be yours for the taking, and knowing you came close just amplifies the pain a few hundred folds.
and probably you don't want to hear me rant about it anymore,
same old story, really.
there's nothing new about it.
except i don't quite know how it still feels so fresh every time i go back and think about it.
this is the part where we make sure everyone is happy, and moving on.
but inside, we know that we'll never, ever get over it ourselves.
at least i know i won't.
feel ridiculous for feeling like this.
but i really, really want another chance.
so please, please just let me have a team next year.
pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease, dammit.
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