NEW YEAR'S EVE.
holyshite, huh.
totally can't believe all the stuff i did this year, haha. when to europe, zomg; went for mission trip, tried a shitload of new stuff and made new friends and learned to love the old ones more and had a lottttttttt of first-times. but then,
i dunno. i'm happy. happier than ever and even though i know next year will be hella hard,
i think i beyond caring already. you know, just head straight first and face everything.
anyway, wrote this a while back on my other blog, but i think it's totally fitting now;
---
had the oddest year, with so much ups and downs, all in rapid succession, and a lot, a lot of first-times for me. found out who my true friends are and who i love to bits. found out the people worth fighting for, and the ones who mean the world to me. found out the ones i'd die for and the ones i cannot live without.
i guess i really learnt a lot (mostly the hard way because life is mean).
i know i've made a few truckloads of mistakes this year but somehow i know i had to make them to learn from them.
i couldn't possibly find out from others, i guess i had to make them myself to find out.
the funny thing is that i don't regret anything at all, even though some really screwed me up badly. haha
if you know you are one of the ones who changed me in your own weird and funny way,
thankyou thankyou thankyou i want to hug all of your three times over.
the ones who wasn't afraid to unload on me, the ones who supported me relentlessly, the ones who put up with me, the ones who encouraged me, the ones who trusted me, the ones who weren't afraid to say what they thought, the ones who gave me hope, the ones who inspired me, the ones who made me cry, the ones who made me laugh till i cried, the ones who pulled me back everytime i tried to run away,
the ones who would never give up on me even after i gave up on myself.
i love you all so, so much.
---
can honestly say i'm terrified of next year but i know it'll be okay.
but in any case, i'll be here always.
it's something that keeps me coming back no matter how many times i wanted to run
and tried to. because i've found out that i can't do it. i don't care if it's not supposed to happen now.
it's about me not being able to live without you.
but mostly, it's about stepping of the edge of a mountain and learning to fly on the way down.
don't you dare let it go.
bye, 2010 thanks for screwing up my life in the bestest way ever.
ah, whatever.
you should know, you guys made my year. xxx.
-gina.
run,
cut across the blue skies.
north thailand mission trip piccas,
with HYF :D
mission trip was the best, had the greatest memory of bouncing at the back of the truck down the road
and the cold wind was pulling your hair out of its roots
but we sped along the road and you just can't help but feel all sorts of funny weird emotions.
fuzzy ones.
played with the children, painted rooms, climbed a mountain, had a campfire, chased the moon and laughed more than ever. miss it badly but it's kind of nice to be home. hot water clean toilet and no bugzz, haha.
all mixed up now.
touch the skhhhy,
merry christmaz everyone!
hiiiii
flying to chiang mai tomorrow for mission trip i r happpppy and really quite excited to see little kids, haha.
a bit too soon though. had a flurry of stuff struggled to pack
going to be stuck on a mountain till christmas eve (but i'm loaded with cookies)
and home in time for christmas :D
(log cake and ham and pudding and turkey is totally thanksgiving, plz)
bare minimum, but we are doing it for God,
so it'll all work out.
armed with a bible, we're gonna march up the hill, haha.
see you guys on christmas eve,
miss you all to bitz,
believe in miracles, you guys!
Obedience is the price,Faith is the power,Love is the motive,the Spirit is key, andChrist is the reason.
don't have it in me, don't care if it goes
both ways.
i want out.
probably can't live this down and i don't want to find out either.
i want out.
i'd jump in front of a train for you.
stop.
so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you,
saying i'm sorry for that night.
i miss taiwan badly.
ugh i hate it when things weave into a sticky complicated web and
our pride gets in and messes everything up
and chokes up the words and we won't admit our
mistakes, we won't admit anything.
i don't know (anymore). it used to be my game and then
the rules changed and i'm kind of being thrown around now.
want out so badly but i'm stuck.
why would anyone fight
knowing it was impossibly out of your reach?
and then you know you will fail but you go ahead anyway.
maybe you will, eventually.
maybe you have that fight in you. i don't know.
maybe when you finally get up and decide to do something
and you search and search
and you know what?
she might not be there anymore.
(and that people come and people go, but mostly they just
go.)
you know, honestly, i miss you.
i miss who i thought you were but then that person went away
and never came back.
why?
i loved you from the very first day.
i do recall now, the smell of the rain,
fresh on the pavement,
i ran off the plane.
that july 9th, the beat of your heart, it jumps through your shirt.
back back back!! :D
taiwan was super cold, and singapore just wraps around you like a furnace, ugh.
blog some other time. dead tired from my flight,
juz gonna put up the bloody sheep picture, haha.
there was sheep spit on my hand becuz they kind of lick it when you feed them
this weird compressed veggie thing. it's totally gross but they love it.
i got my sheep picture! :D
meh.
good to be home :D
leaving in a week to a cold place again,
that suxx but we r painting houses and teaching little kids,
so it should be somethin.
welcome home to me.
and life totally goes
on.
it's an endless ride, sometimes it takes you up,
sometimes it tears you down
inside,
leaving in a couple of hoursssss :D
not really done packing, haha
got this schmmy feeling that i left out a heap of stuff,
i feel a bit more psyched for mission trip next next week,
gimme some houses to paint!! :D
and stuff.
holidays r fleeting,
but i'll worry about that when i get back.
yeh, want to stuff some people into my suitcase again
but then i'd have to take out my huge stash of
unhealthy food.
got to take a picture with a sheep,
that would totally rock.
i will miss you guys byebye.
but what's up with you today? ):
ugh.
but it's the butterflies that keep you feeling
so alive, so alive.
lifted.
last training, :Dcaught tangled and it gets my vote for best disney movie so far
i'm a little bit in love with flynn rider.
it's so unconventional, no more primmy princesses waiting for princes to fit the shoe on her,
she is so fiesty i love it zomg.
tree moar days.
im so happy im so happy im so happy
so ready to drop and leave everything,
but will kind of mizz you guys back home.
should have saw this coming,
it was bound to happen,
do you know i laughed when they first mentioned it?
i laughed, and then it came back to hit me squarely
in my face.
go, live your dream.
there must be something more,
do we know what we're fighting for?
great day @ ecp, stopped after a bunch of hours and we tried to pass it off as a picnic,
drank chocolate milk off the cartons, laughed harder than i did in a while,
but then it got really wet and we retreated to the bowling alley,
i know you guys will read this,
you r all so awesome i love you(s)!
so htns shoot got cancelled,
honestly don't know if i'm disappointed,
maybe just a bit.
don't know how it would turn out, but then, i know if i screw it up
i probably won't go easy on myself, so i suppose i'm sparing myself all that,
ugh.
flying on monday, thank goodness for that,
i swear i'm almost doing the same bloody thing every other day.
shitloads to settle before but i'm happy so i don't
care.
john vesely is kind of super cute.
admitted to everything,
but you know, doesn't change anything.
guess you saw it coming since months back,
i know i'm in deep shit,
but, thanks. i needed that.
i needed someone to pound it into my head a few zillion times
before i would even dare to admit.
training till late today.
feels like rain.
come back, (come back)
you make up what i lack.
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