✿

guhh. just sent out draft no. 3 with crossed fingers.

think there isn't really anything i want to say,

except that i miss you

and i want to dunk myself into formaldehyde

because that's kind of how life feels like now.

like i'm alive but not quite, you know?

suppose not.

happy youth day everyone, i guess.

"Well Sam, we're going to be friends forever and ever, as far as forever can go."
"But I don't think I can live that long."
"Well. Until you die, then."

❤ "" was Posted On: Thursday, June 30, 2011 @8:06 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

so, i have a pile of tissues taller than me homework

because my nose won't stop leaking like some stupid leaky tap.

probably covered in my own germys.

sifting through homework feeling sorry for myself

and how ironic is it that tmr is temp taking? O:

flu meds kicking in soon which means i'll get super drowsy and float around in a hazy cloud.

and answer stupid shit when people talk to me.

hehe.

yaaaaaawns.

❤ "" was Posted On: Tuesday, June 28, 2011 @9:04 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

first day of school didn't feel like the previous times.

just felt like it was the start of the end of our lives again.

waiting anxiously for senior high manz.

don't care that it's harder or whatever, i just wanna get rid of all my sciences

become one of those weird/ strange art students.

skippy yay!

❤ "" was Posted @12:47 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

but i did it anyway and i let myself down.

i'm sorry, gina.

i'm really, really sorry.

❤ "" was Posted On: Sunday, June 26, 2011 @12:42 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i suck real bad at relationships.
like, i'm no good at them.
like i don't even have to be in one to know that about myself.
think i turn into this other really screwed up neurotic version of myself.
then either i screw it up, or it screws itself up.
i mean, in general.
it's not like i've had much experience with romantic ones.
not really. but i suppose it's the same. but worst.

anyway. i'm a huge mess.
don't know how i became like this. don't remember much.
think i need a new hobby. or something.
so maybe it's good.
get back to school and become busy up to there and
i won't think so much.
besides. you were right.
i was wrong. but i wasn't only wrong, i guess.
i was downright stupid for believing my own words.
ha-ha.

just feel so sian and down.
and i think if it continues on people'll start ignoring me because
so much ): energy is radiating off me.
it really isn't pms.
you know something?
sometimes i'd rather it were, then i know what to blame, and
mostly, i know it'll pass eventually.
this one's been here for about two months now.
i feel like i need to punch a wall but
that's dumb. why do people even do that if you don't live in hollywood
where the doors can be kicked open and the glass windows shatter really easily
and the furniture breaks all the time in fights.
i hate when they fight indoors especially when the house is so pretty.
like wtf, take your differences outside
and trash like the bush or something.

but that's not the point.
guhhhh. you know how they say after every rain comes a rainbow?

WRONG AGAIN.
doesn't happen.

~~what are you, five?~~

UGH I HATE THE WORLD

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD

GAHHHHH.

❤ "):" was Posted On: Friday, June 24, 2011 @11:18 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

you have stolen my heart.

~~TGIF!~~

screw fridays i hate fridays.

this one at least.

duh i have not completed my homework

and duh i don't want to go back.

teeny bit of good news,

after draft no. 3 i think i finally found something

worth writing about.

might have pissed my teacher off in the process,

i dunno. it's hard to tell since he always sounds all formal.

re-watched burlesque today just for cam gigandnet (pronounced ji-gon-day with a french accent btw)

HE IS SO HAWT OMGWTFBBQ.

in priest, burlesque, never back down, the roommate

but not so much in easy A. looked cute as ever but i hated his character.

but still.

ZOMG, GO GOOGLE HIM AND STARE AT HIM ALL DAY!

happy friday, everyone!

❤ "" was Posted @7:51 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i'm goinggggg to get chopped up into little pieces by my teeeeacherrr!

haven't sent (or edited, for that matter)

that thing that was due 3 days ago.

then i felt bad and told him i would do so by today.

i mean it's kind of 12.56am.

so annoyed by it, wtf.

hope that once i start writing the rest will juz flow out you know??

actually no, not really. that doesn't actually happen.

i wish inspiration grew on trees. ):

anyway, i'm starting on it soon.

like, now.

two more days D: think i'll wake up early to watch a movie tmr

then head out.

dunno if i should watch juno or 500 days of summer again.

maybe something with action. like red.

and you know nobody told me meg fox won't be in transformers dark of the moon

WHY?!

i thought they might change the plot or something a little but no,

it's sam's new love interest. like anyone who watched 1 or 2 could allow that.

wtf )':

and ohmygosh i need to pee really badly.

1.04 am. I PROMISE I WILL SEND IT IN BY TONIGHT CROSS MY HEART MY FINGERS MY WHATEVER ELSE THAT IS CROSS-ABLE.

i set fire to the rain
i threw us into the flames
where i felt something die, 'cause i knew that
that was the last time, that was the last time.
- Adele, set fire to the rain

anywayz, so happy that this is her new single at last!

YAY GOOD STUFF. :D

❤ "" was Posted On: Thursday, June 23, 2011 @12:55 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

how do i say i'm sorry cause the word is just never gonna come out

❤ "" was Posted On: Wednesday, June 22, 2011 @11:32 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

V.S.

awh i don't know about you

but i'm with aston kutcher on this one.

❤ "" was Posted @1:44 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

ranty post you have been warned i suppose.

but im guessing whoever reading this has unfinished holiday homework

so.

this would be a better waste of time :D

just sayin'.

haha sometimes i'm up wondering if i expect too much.

which we shouldn't. i guess.

one more week to go

remember waking up and dragging myself to national library

and then staying until they close.

became kinda sucky so one night i didn't feel like going home

and wandered around the cbd area.

i don't know luh, i love being there at night even though

fine i got lost a bit but i just gave up trying to make sense of it

and walked towards the esplanade.

stoned there for quite long.

surprisingly enough, i like being by myself sometimes.

i mean, it felt weird going to that place alone.

the thing is, straight after you leave,

you just feel downright shitty because

i don't know! the magic wears off or something.

haha, for the lack of a better description.

i can't really describe how much i love sitting on the steps seriously.

i love that place like crazy.

and returning to normalcy makes you feel really awful.

all the deadlines and reminders and expectations go back onto your shoulders.

yeah, like that. it sucks.

firstly, i seriously don't think i can. write and rewrite that script.

i really hate that it's the first time i actually don't like what i've written,

and just. don't feel like reading or re-reading it over again.

i don't know. he wanted it last night.

i haven't written a new word in simply because i don't know how.

classic.

dug a hole for myself and i can't climb out, great job._.

sis will be going away to nus hostel soon.

it's going to suck, i know it.

it's having someone awake at 2 am when you can't do chemistry

or you need to rant.

i don't know luh, but i really hope uni won't pull us apart

that would suck. we have all this plans to travel southern france, haha.

anyway, she can't even take it when i'm away for a week on camps,

but we're talking about having a room each,

might be a good thing though, since we all sleep at weird hours.

hoping to maybe paint my room yellow or pink

and stencil in lamposts and flowers and girly shit.

and hopefully get my own carpet zomg!!

to roll around in.

haha can't wait :D

also. you know, it's not that funny how we're all growing up and moving on.

how you waited till you actually saw me before talking.

then i couldn't help imagine if we didn't meet,

then duh you wouldn't have talked.

not trying to be annoying and read into it,

but just saying.

that we had differences i didn't want to confront and well,

i don't know.

i do know that you don't actually miss me.

where did that even come from?

it really doesn't matter anymore. maybe last time.

but to be honest, not really anymore.

it's not that i'm being weird

maybe a little.

fine maybe a lot, but they were all good intentions, i thought.

but i just didn't want it to come to a time

where everything flew right past and i can't remember what happened.

which happens a lot but that's not the point.

started recording everything that happened down this year.

figured i should go with good and bad stuff.

anyway february, march and april were the best months.

may was quite f-ed up though.

sometimes i get worried.

okay i get worried all the time but not always this.

i think.

it just seems to me as if it's downhill-ing.

and the feeling is shitty, no need to elaborate on that.

i suppose that's how it works, according to that strangers, again video.

not that it will end up the same, but still.

there's something i always love to hear about,

people who have been together for years.

haha, i'm a sucker for these kind of stories.

the whole idea of knowing all the small details about someone,

like how the details may seem insignificant, but actually are not,

am i making sense?

gah nevermind. reminds me of what natalie portman said in no strings attached,

something like: It's just... If we were in a relationship I'd become a weird scary version of myself, and my throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing, it's like a peanut allergy. It's like an emotional peanut allergy.

i'm not really allergic to peanuts. but i don't like them anyway.

the point is,

well actually i don't have a point. just a lot of jumbled up thoughts.

something i do quite obsessively is writing down

well, not just anything. i have a small black book for that,

and i just write happy stuff mostly. feelings.

(note. not a diary whatsoever._. blehhh)

how i didn't want anything to end or change and stuff.

like my own today i lived thing.

then recently, when i looked up from my work and saw it there

leaning against my calendar, i couldn't take it

because i didn't have anything i could write inside that was truthful.

truthful about me being happy as before now,

all that bullshit that i'm really good at conjuring up, i've realised.

anyway i guess i only dare to say this because i don't think you read this space anymore.

but all this have to go somewhere or i think i will have a concussion

for having the same repeated thoughts over and over.

oh is that possible ):

so, yeah.

this goes back to the start where i said that

i think i expect too much sometimes and maybe that's the problem right?

so if you stop expecting, you stop feeling shitty and it solves it.

besides, we are all so terribly busy.

anyway. i really hope it will go past december to the new year,

because last year's countdown with all that music and fireworks and stuff,

well i really want you to see that.

it was really nice, so i hope we can countdown together this year.

i have all these stupid dreams.

but vivid. it's like dreaming in hd.

something happens,

sometimes you leave, sometimes someone takes you away,

i always wake up too soon.

anyway it doesn't matter,

i can never remember how they end.

but okay deal with it, gina.

you have assignments to do.

drowning yourself in work doesn't actually help, by the way.

but we just say it does so we can sound all hardworking.

anyway, here's the script (as in the band ._.),

If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it
I still haven't slept yet

And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter
But eating without ya

If the truth is you're a liar
When you say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed
Going out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you
Like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

that would suck a lot i guess.

when the person's just gone, you'd even miss the fighting.

anyway, go and see the for the first time music video if you haven't,

somehow i really, really like it.

But we're gonna stop by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

❤ "" was Posted On: Monday, June 20, 2011 @9:38 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Remember the time we jumped the fence when
the Stones were playing and we were too broke to get in.
You held my hand and then made me cry while
I swore to God it was the best night of my life.
Or when you took me across the world, we
promised that this will last forever but now I see.

It was my past life, a beautiful time
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.
Drunk off of nothing but each other till the sun rise.

(kesha, the harold song)

somehow this will always be my favourite kesha song.

kind of the only one from her i listen to nowadays actually.

and those from Animal cause i dunno, they are way nicer.

stuff like Blind.

wellz.

kesha, without the glitter and stuff.

i guess the whole other image defines her,

but hey imho. she's pretty(ier) like that.

and then there's lady gaga when she was still singing brown eyes and speechless and stuff where we can actually hear her voice.

mizz those days.

kinda only listen to 1/ total no. of songs from born this way.

bloody mary i think. cute song.

❤ "" was Posted On: Saturday, June 18, 2011 @10:29 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i forgot that i had shrunk the document to one page,

and stood there screaming at my printer for a full five minutes

and repeatedly slamming ctrl + p

when it wouldn't print the even pages.

ugh im going to hide under my bed and think about life

until i become a better person.

)):

❤ "" was Posted @12:43 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

baby we've been living in sin 'cause we've been really in love
but we've been living as friends
so you've been a guest in your own home
it's time to make your house your home
pick up your phone, pick up your phone.

-Coming Home, Dirty Money

❤ "" was Posted On: Friday, June 17, 2011 @11:46 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

i hereby swear allegiance... to a lantern, given to me by a dying purple alien.

green lantern was okay.

nice. ryan reynolds was nice to look at.

it was good.

but okay i think he was still cooler as pre-deadpool in xmen origins ):

but duh loved him best in the proposal haha

OKAY FINE.

i was honestly expecting some hugeass big scale universe-y battleshippy galaxy race vs. race fight.

you know, a battle. war.

you charge, clash at the middle, people flying, purple blood,

the works.

but noooooo.

we got a guy, an overgrown black octopus-like thing and the sun.

seriously._.

but everything else was nice.

this is weird. it's like a movie critique.

okay next was that the on-screen chemistry kinda sucked.

not that im comparing anything to the bazillion romantic comedies that i've been forcing myself to watch.

maybe a bit.

but.

she was more the elder sis than the girlfriend and it kinda fizzled out.

i mean, sure they ended up together, but it wasn't explosive or anything like that.

BUT. huge consolation was that it wasn't half as lame as the other comic-book-turned-film-adaptation movies when half the face of the hero was showing but apparently the girl he saves is too half-assed to tell who he is.

even if they knew him since, forever.

even if they two made out with the mask rolled halfway and he was upside down.

not pointing fingerz, just saying.

so thank goodness she recognised him.

that makes her smarter than all the other comic book damsel in distressez.

(note: emma frost doesn't count because she isn't a in distress)

in any case,

not bad i think.

a few creepy parts when you know their eyes will suddenly open but it was a good show.

best viewed at the side seats, second row from the front.

._.

❤ "" was Posted @12:33 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

easy A was easily (heh) one of the better movies i've watched in a long time,

it's so good i think i'll watch it again.

you know? it's not the stale humour that makes you cringe

rather than laugh.

emma stone just.

zomg.

Todd: Screw all these people, Olive!
Olive: Haven't you heard? I already did.

❤ "" was Posted On: Thursday, June 16, 2011 @2:23 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. You say that you love the sun, but you find a shady spot when the sun shines. You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too.”
- Shakespeare

❤ "" was Posted On: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 @10:54 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

“except i didn't crumble like i once thought i would, but smiled like an idiot and that it scares me too, haha.”

“heaven forbid, but you make me smile like an idiot and the whole world looks at me sceptically because it's been so long since they saw someone smile like that.”

“ and i can't help but smile like an idiot and everyone looks at me funny.”

“and that you make me smile (like an idiot) with the slightest, slightest thing.”

found this in my archives

woah haha, way to make a statement O:

❤ "" was Posted On: Tuesday, June 14, 2011 @1:26 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Tonight we’re going hard
Just like the world is ours
We’re tearin’ it apart
You know we’re superstars
We are who we are.

❤ "" was Posted @1:18 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Walking down Brick Lane, feel the blue.
Winds blowing lightly and I picture you.
Sweet Sunday morning, with nothing to do.
Love is like a dream, when it's just me and you.

Open my window, sing me a song.
Baby can't you see that this is where I belong
With your hand in my hand, still feel feel the love
Really wish that we could go back to the way that it was.

They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but I can't be without you any longer.
Everytime I let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you

- Pixie Lott, Nothing Compares

❤ "" was Posted @12:26 AM | 0 lovely comments ✿

Well, sometimes if you love somebody, you have to meet them halfway."
- Ferb

❤ "" was Posted On: Sunday, June 12, 2011 @11:49 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

oh this is cute. ;)

anyway, i aim to be looking at the screen at least 73% of the time tomorrow.

i think.

frickin' thing due in 3 days.

screwxzx.

this is really bad. either i buy inspiration off the shelf soon or

i can go dunk myself in lemonade.

then somewhere along the way, it changed genre and now i can't get it back.

don't feel up to day 11.

think i'll skip it.

You met her on the hottest summer the world had ever seen. Her dress came all the way down to her ankles but she knotted it brutally at her knees. Her hair curled thickly with the heat, but the sun brought out a spread of lovely pale freckles on her upturned face.

❤ "" was Posted @9:42 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

"but i'm warning you, if you come any closer, i'm never letting you go again."
- No Strings Attached

❤ "" was Posted On: Saturday, June 11, 2011 @11:40 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

ughhy.

i feel like staying in bed all day.

let's just say i ate pineapples during church camp.

a lot.

because a lot of food had pineapple.

and i like pineapples.

not so much now.

._.

❤ "" was Posted On: Friday, June 10, 2011 @4:19 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

DAY 10

Dear Someone I Don't Talk To As Much As I Would Like To,

this doesn't really make sense because if i didn't,

it's probably cause' i don't want to.

so too bad.

back from church camp!

it was okay. guess the highlight was the party @ night

in the guys room where they made you eat tabasco or drink coke till someone puked.

but think it ran out and got replaced by water.

oh lol abrupt end cos im tired

byez.

❤ "" was Posted On: Thursday, June 9, 2011 @11:00 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

gosh why didn't anyone remind me i was doing some 30-day thing._.

DAY 8 AFTER LIKE 3403984 YEARS

Dear ~~favourite~~ internet ~~friend~~,

I WANT YOU TO STAY.

i found out today how much i need you in my life.

like, when i was facing the prospect of not having you anymore,

i just felt like burying myself under rotting flamingo carcasses.

and the funny thing is, i solved my internet problem by checking the internet.

you are so important to me and i promise i won't try to shut you off again

IF I DO YOU BETTER GET UR CYBER-ASS BACK WHEN I WANT IT BACK.

PLEASE DON'T EVER GO.

i mean, a bunch of days or hours is okay but make sure you come back

WHEN I WANT YOU TO or i will get really angry and start freaking out.

not good.

but sometimes you distract me and i end up taking a week to do something

i could have done in a few hours

and afterwards i get really pissed at myself, but it's not your fault.

i mean, maybe it is.

OKAY FINE IT IS.

but still,

i love you!

it's an unconditional, intense relationship please don't scare me again like that next time.

CYBER HUG!!

-gina

❤ "" was Posted On: Friday, June 3, 2011 @11:47 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright
- we'll be alright, travie mccoy

❤ "" was Posted On: Thursday, June 2, 2011 @12:27 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

you're right.

i don't get the point. no, really i don't.

because are you saying that it's selfish to feel sad about your grades?

well, it's not.

and this is for everyone who tried to do well, but didn't.

i mean, you wanted so bad to do well,

(which is not wrong, it's just what we've been programmed to believe.)

and er human instinct. to do well. of course.

what was i saying._.

oh. so, when you wanted to do well so, so badly, but you don't.

how the hell does it make you selfish, knowing that you could have

should have would have i don't know. but you just suck so bad in that subject.

it's really not fair to generalize everything and call us selfish as well.

because apart from us, are you guys.

the ones who try hard to do well, and do well.

you call us selfish for feeling sad about our grades?

you would deny that basic human emotion of just feeling that sense of disappointment towards something that is more or less important to us?

(maybe grades aren't important, but only in that idealistic little world you conjured up.)

oh wait. it doesn't exist.

grades are important, okay.

i HATE it that way, but hel-lo that's how our society runs so

suck it up.

there is no such thing as not having a right to feel sad.

that's kind of bullshit? because what gives you a right to say that i don't have rights for feeling sad?

isn't it my own emotions?

can't i just control my own emotions? it's not like i'm making the world any worst of than it already is.

sure, i agree with you on some points like how your class- yeah.

anyways,

i believe that my perspective is screwed on certain counts because

i happen to be part of that group who are struggling.

and may i so boldly say,

that you can't say anything until you've experienced it yourself

and would still say those words even so.

see? i really said it in bold zomg

no, really. no matter how many times you say that you would still feel that way even if you don't do well,

and yes, i believe you. for now.

but when your situation is compromised, well,

let's just say you won't agree with yourself that feeling sad from not doing well is an act of selfishness.

gosh.

that makes me, and just about three thirds the world's population very selfish people.

don't think you will,

but if you ever join us here in the hellhole, well,

you get sad. a lot. and scared and worried and insecure and you type incessantly into your calculator hoping that somehow the next calculation would make it shoot up miraculously and finally when you see it, it's sort of a quiet oh-i've-been-expecting-this-anywhere. you're not all that sad. it was more of clinging on to the last minute hope that it might somehow change in your favour. as much as it never does.

well, hope you won't have to experience it

it's a pretty sucky feeling.

so sue me. i want to be sad because i worked hard and yes, i don't think any of us deserved it,

if you have a problem with that,

screw you!

no hard feelings.

just pointing out, hmph.

okok sorry! but seriously ):

oh btw, plaza sin okay with you tmr not?

❤ "" was Posted On: Wednesday, June 1, 2011 @9:52 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

if i die young, bury me in satin,
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me at the river at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song

-if I die young, the band perry

❤ "" was Posted @4:10 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿