let the rain wash away
all the pain of yesterday
for all the times we took the 11pm train home.
and the times we ambled to trainings, while others were rushing home.
and for all the people who laughed at us for doing so,
because it seemed there were better things to do.
for all the times we dragged our suits across half the island,
or carried our rifles up.
got scolded by our coaches, or tried to hide cards under stacks of better ones.
for all the times we looked back on our holidays and our unfinished homework,
and realised that we had spent all our time on shooting,
and it's a different sort of satisfaction.
for all the one and a half hours journey back and forth.
for all the times we cried because we let everyone down,
or the times our hearts skipped a beat and we felt like we'd never be happier.
for all the times we sat there in our inners, the last ones to leave the range.
for wobbling around and trying to walk in our suits.
for rolling the target back and seeing the hole sit prettily in the middle
for standing there shaking like an idiot, but refusing to let go put the gun down.
for trying to talk while coach was looking away.
for shooting cross lanes at someone else's cards.
for falling in love in between shots.
you know,
they were right. we were crazy for doing so much for shooting.
every minute spent was worth it.
every time we lifted the gun against our hearts
and tried to aim.
no matter what happens tomorrow,
i love you guys.
you are all my superheroes.
let the world flow away,
shoot.
it's not scared like looking at a test paper you didn't study for.
or scared like seeing a spider scurry across the floor
or scared like trapped in the headlights of an incoming car.
i don't know.
just go away if you don't want to hear me rant
because it's completely irrelevant to your lives anyway.
and maybe i should just shut up because whut,
it's only nationals.
gina, you are overreacting.
i'm scared, okay??
scared like stepping out unprepared into a crowd of ten thousand
and having everyone stare and you and
judge you and all you can do is
blink and stare helplessly.
need someone who won't judge.
and just let me talk for all i want,
and shut up and listen and
still tell me that everything is going to be okay in the end.
somehow wish that i knew for sure tomorrow will be okay
and not have to face letting down a whole crowd of people.
but mostly,
i'm just afraid of letting myself down
because i know the person who's the hardest on me
is myself.
this is six month's worth.
all down to one hour and fifteen minutes.
it's not whether i can do it or not.
i don't think i have much of a choice.
i just have to.
all i know is that,
i'm scared.
i'm really, really scared.
zomggggggg.
nationals on monday,
i know i'm prepared, but sometimes
you know, when everything is at stake,
things have a tendency to go wrong.
but i swear, i will not let it happen again.
i think.
but it's shooting. and i love shooting. i can do it. really. i can.
zomg.
):
i have to do this well ):
BUT DAMMIT I'M SCARED LIKE HELL I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO DENY THAT I'M NOT.
really, really, really scared but they say it's okay to be scared.
):
haish.
it's okay to make mistakes because
life didn't really come with instructions.
i love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life's worth it.- tom, 500 days of summer
18th april, 1.10pm. nationals._.
been gearing for this since december,
i cannot let myself down again.
i just cannot.
will hunt for my life back after that,
i guess.
idk who i like better. :D
zomg :D
so cute.
PHYSICS GLIDER! Y U NO FLY 24M!?!
suxx.
we get what we want, we do what you don't,
dirt and glitter cover the floor
dirt and glitter cover the floor
some random aep museum trip picture that i find fascinating because it's so
red.
like seriously, it's just red.
well, tgif but today is one of my happier days since, i don't know, forever.
let's face it, life sucks.
but then every now and then it prattles back to give you more reasons to hang on.
more reasons why you do what you do.
all i know is,
when everything screws itself over,
it never leaves and it's always been there for me.
always.
i'm a freakin' literature student. zomg.
this is what i do and i don't really care about what the world thinks anymore.
nothing else makes me happier.
(really!)
(okie maybe something else does. veeeeeeery slightly.
BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.)
i like ice-cream. but i really don't like chocolate ice-cream.
i mean, do you want it hard or soft? if you're going to eat chocolate then eat the real thing!
not some squishy substitute.
:D
one week pluz pluz to nationals.
FINGERS CROSSED.
which is weird because you can't really pull the trigger like that.
):
yawnz.
i kind of lost my regular sleeping routine that most humans have.
i sleep when i want to
which amounts to quite a lot.
especially during the sleepable subjects.
:D
who honours those we love for the very life we live? who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time, things that will never die? who teaches us what's real, and how to laugh at lies? who decides why we live, and what we'll die to defend? who trains us, and who holds the key to set us free? it is you. you have all the weapons you need.
now fight.-sweatpea, suckerpunch.
i mean,
duh. like, seriously.
)<
BIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNTIL TREE.
i don't know.
i guess you could say shooting has always just been this part of me that comes and goes.
like now.
like when it comes, it fills up everything and that period in your life,
it's the only thing that matters as much.
and. yeah. so i say it's my cca, and i train a bunch of times every week,
but it's just different from everything else because one lousy score can
you know,
tear me apart or something.
which is odd, i don't feel that way for tests, which comparatively, should be more important to a student.
so the conclusion is that when i'm shooting, nothing else really matters.
but it lets me down every single time.
i don't know, since the start, we have been fighting for this,
or fighting for that,
and we heard stories about seniors getting kicked out days before nationals,
and we cringe about it,
but when it happens to you, it just feels surreal. i don't know.
i guess your body allows you to react accordingly.
smile, nod, say that you understand, continue training like nothing ever changed.
next day, you won't need to turn up for training anymore.
two weeks later, they compete without you.
even though you were there from the start and all that time spent,
suddenly nobody bothers because hey,
there you are and you've just been tossed aside.
to be fair, it had to be done. seemed like the reasonable option, of course.
but sometimes you just wonder if it's really just about the medals.
that was last year.
i don't know, it's not something you get over easily,
which seems really stupid and calculative, but you don't just walk away from something like this.
then when it starts all over again, but in a different sense.
seems to me there isn't a year where everyone leaves happy that they
were given the recgonition that they thought they earned.
they tell you that the firing line is your stage.
they hand you a gun.
they ask you to please, just have fun,
because the score is just a number, you know?
i know.
it's a bloody number that means everything, okay?
you will tell us what we want to hear of course, but when we don't shoot like we should,
suddenly we don't matter.
you can sort of sense it when you know you are being judged by your previous mistakes.
it's an unforgivable sort of sport.
and at the end of the day, everyone bloody reduces it to three digits that apparently matters so damn much.
why?
so what now? we train, and we get in, and we get the damn medals for them, and we're out?
because i used to remember a time when we were really in it for love,
which drives you to do crazy shit like reaching home at midnight and starting on your homework, and feeling like you're going to fail all your tests, but knowing that you had a fulfilling training that day and it makes it all better.
but now.
i suppose it's only fair, though. what with nationals around the corner,
what, two weeks? and there's always the select few who has to bring in the medals,
the supporting ones just there to fill up the team,
and of course the remaining ones who will hover quietly in the back when the team receives the medals.
people gather for a photo, they grimace and try to hide.
i love shooting, you know?
and i keep thinking that it was one of the best decisions i ever made
ever since that day i hesitated and stared at the teacher and somehow said okay i'm in.
and suddenly i was part of something much bigger.
something which actually means the world to me now, more or less.
but then there come a time when everyone is expecting so much.
we wear our suits, and bear the weight of the gun
but you know you also carry the weight of all the shitloads of expectations
and you go up there alone.
and you shoot.
one shot, two shot, through to forty.
you make it or you break it, and it changes that piece of your life.
it's not their fault, of course.
i mean, the school provides and funds, we bring in the prizes,
sounds like a fair deal, i guess.
but you know, somewhere in between the line of attaining glory, it becomes
a rivalry between friends, it becomes your heart slamming into your ribcage every time you wait for an email to load, because it just means that much. that you wouldn't cry for anything in the world,
but you would, for shooting.
it's weird, i don't quite get it myself.
all i know is, there are days, where everyone is staring at you, you are wedged up in the lanes between other shooters, people are everywhere,
but you pick up your gun and you feel more alone than ever.
all i know, though, is i won't ever walk away from it, as much as it kills me sometimes,
because i cannot.
because i have to shoot, even if everything about why we are doing it is screwed up.
i don't know. maybe it's
for that fragment of a minute when i'm raising my gun,
everything seems normal for once.
like how it should be.
but
like how it indefinitely isn't.
):
i confess you are the best thing in my life.
HELL YEAH. )<
okie back to the world where i am
FREAKING OUT
about surviving my tests.
more on surviving though.
and i accidentally ate pineapples.
so i might wake up screaming tomorrow,
i guess.
):
I HAVE AN OCD FOR WRITING V=IR FOR EVERYTHING EVEN IF I JUST WROTE IT A FEW CENTIMETRES AWAY AND LEFT IT THERE UNTOUCHED.
virrrrrrrrrrrrr.
): i don't know, really.
7:51pm.
raining out the whole afternoon.
it feels so cold,
you know?
warning: long, long post and you are probably better off studying, or something.
this is for me.
"because you whirled into my life that night at the train station, like a darn splash of paint, when my life was grey. "
i guess there comes a point of time in your life where you get so unimaginably busy,
but you suddenly stop and re-read the past for the hundredth time
and you realise how much you've grown since then
and it's a nice feeling, really.
because i imagine i was a cynical kid back then. holy crap, just look at that.
i don't know. i guess i was just scrolling and reading everything simultaneously
and it just hit me that back then, when we thought we'd never make it, when we complained that it was the end,
we somehow made it out.
and then because of it, we grew in our weird little way.
because of the many, many things i was afraid of doing back then.
then i had to get my brain to stfu,
sometimes it turned out alright, but then sometimes it didn't.
that every fall i ever had was kind of worth it.
and things changed so much, in the most unimaginable sense.
2011. to say i've did all i wanted to already.
because from experience, i didn't dare to leave out anything because i was scared.
i took a heck load of risks but then again, there comes a time where falling doesn't seem as scary because you know it all too well.
i guess it was more of reading my posts then, and reading my posts now,
and realising how absurdly different they are.
and also a lot of wtf was i thinking?(s)
because i wasn't. apparently.
but now seems so surreal.
like i know school is killing me, but then at the side
there's something keeping me more alive than ever as well.
and they meet in the middle and my insides kind of spontaneously combust.
they talk of someone being just anyone else one day,
and the next day, they mean the world to you.
of to the world, they are just someone,
but to you, they are the world.
of handing them a gun and trusting they won't pull the trigger.
of having them on speed dial because you know they meant it when they said they would be there.
of breaking all your own rules and stepping off the edge
and falling.
and it's the strangest thing ever, because i don't regret it.
i guess what i'm trying to say here is that you don't know how much you mean to me.
and i don't care who gives us a smug smile because they are just watching from the sidelines.
and i really don't care if we are being judged, because there is no judgment between us at all.
it's, well, i wouldn't say protective,
it's more like comfortable. and mostly, just because it feels right.
then i was reading back on my earlier life, and i found out that i laughed at it, a lot.
and i was so sure that it'd never happen.
that i would smile at them incredulously and reassure them that it wouldn't because it was just impossible.
but you know, that you always find someone in the end that makes you understand why the others all didn't work out.
i just didn't think it would end up in a circle and all lead back to you
and that was well,
it kind of sent me down this spiral of denial for a while.
like, i refused to admit it, even to myself. in retrospect, i don't know what i was so bloody scared of. maybe it was not knowing.
maybe it was because i shut myself away from it for two years straight
and now i have to open it again, with the possibility of facing all the dragons from my past.
not that i had a valid excuse for being scared.
but sometimes, being scared is okay. because it means you still have something to lose.
i was so terrified of being in love, i made it my resolution for two years straight.
it sounds so immature and dumb and stupid now but i suppose it was a self-protection mechanism or something -.-
but then all the stupid love songs started to make sense and i just knew i was in deep shit.
and for a moment there, i felt certain that my life was screwed up and i was screwed because i was probably not going to survive it because really, who does?
ouch.
but still, it was one of those rare occasions where life decides to be nice about things.
i looked to my right, and suddenly i was not alone.
you know that feeling when you get a helium balloon, and it's bobbing around in the air,
and you tie it to your wrist, and suddenly you are handed this responsibility to keep it alive as long as you can. and you are extra mindful of everything, but every time you feel that faint tug on your wrist, you feel really happy.
that's kind of how love feels like, i think.
the thing is, i've gone in way too deep.
i look up at you, and you are looking there and i think happiness.
not a happiness like when you gotten an a-pluz on your test,
more like a happiness when you take your first flight on a plane.
there's something about meaning so much to me.
and that i never want to lose any bit of this.
and they ask what we can't live without.
i cannot live without you because you make up this little part in me.
okay it's not little. it's colossal.
i don't need to put on a strong front in front of you because you will accept me, anyway.
but mostly, it's just because you don't mind.
you know, love isn't blind. it sees but it just doesn't mind.
i don't actually know why i'm writing this.
but i'll tell you one thing,
it's always better when we are together.
but maroon 5 said that it's not always rainbows and butterflies,
it's compromise that moves us along.
it was a long ride, and a bunch of crap along the way that made me feel like i should give up.
it wasn't entirely easy the whole way, but it was worth it.
it's a lot about having faith, i guess.
holding on when you get so scared it might end.
a lot of trusting, and going back to the start when you try to remind yourself why you are doing it again.
love is weird.
it is. but get this, if there might be a possibility, at all, that you can get it, don't bother hesitating and denying and denying because sometimes the things we can't change ends up changing us.
i would say you complete me in the sense that i never knew i was incomplete before.
and dumb as that sounds,
you don't just let someone who changes you like that go.
you just don't.
because channing tatum is in the picture :D
happy belated april fool's day, everyone!
:D
what a day.
than brainless ass-kicking
decided that rocket's my favourite, haha from the moment when she said
we're already dead.but imho it wuz good :D
weekends ):
april fool's day in sch was like, uneventful ):
but, wow HAHA
you muz really luv me a lot :D
rocket! zomg.
4:27am. awesomesauce.
i think i will be cranky tomorrow and try to kill everyone around me twice over.
ugh.
):
so dumb that everyone tells you to follow your heart blah blah blah
when everything is already curving towards another side
and what?! forcing everyone into doing what some have completely no interest in?!
this is taking our dreams and showing us how they
crush it and let the fragments slip through their fingers
just because they can.
i just hate that it's that way.
i'm a literature student. i'm not inclined towards science.
so stereotype me now.
i can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side.
mid weeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
come on we can do it :D
ehh. won't you just revert back to who you were before you met them?
i mean, not like you have to change a lot for that person
NOT LIKE LOVE IS ABOUT CHANGING FOR SOMEONE
IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING WHO THEY ARE DESPITE EVERYTHING.
YOU CAN'T JUST CHANGE SO SOMEONE WILL LOVE YOU
BECAUSE ONE DAY YOU WILL GET SO TIRED OF PUTTING UP THAT SHOW
THEN CRACKS WILL START TO SHOW AND
THEY WILL END UP FACING THE REAL YOU,
AND PROBABLY NOT LIKE WHAT THEY SEE,
WHICH IS NOT RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT ON AN ACT
BECAUSE THE PERSON THEY FALL IN LOVE WILL JUST BE AN ACT
AND NOT WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
AND WTF WILL YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES SOMEONE WHO ISN'T THE REAL YOU?
I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY KNOWING THAT?
AND WHAT, PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE YOUR WHOLE LIFE?
AND IT'S DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
zomg.
wake up in the middle of the night to say,
i'll never walk away again.
like, from the train @redhill or something, haha.
just realised how funny it is that everything is super different now
like, the us from the past would have laughed themselves sick
over how we are now.
but then they'd stop laughing after a while because they realise
how much happier we are.
okay idk about you, but me at least.
happyyyyyyy like having a balloon tied to your wrist
(even if it's a sucky knot that keeps coming loose)
or happy like when you see soap bubbles.
which is odd because i'm simultaneously miserable about school.
SUCKERPUNCH PLZ COME FASTER ZOMG I WANT :D
sweet dreams are made of this, who am i to disagree?
haish.
i think i'm super easily irritated these days ):
i hope i don't chase anyone away by mistake.
except when someone comes back
and you have to make it seem like it still matters
when it bloody doesn't.
and they are heaping all these options about our futures on to us,
when really, i just want to pull through year fourrrr.
not to mention nationals coming, wtf.
really bad feeling about this, like i know i should be training more,
but then i'd need about ten days a week.
and i know it's important and we've been training for it since last year
and blah blah blah, but
i just have an uncanny ability to screw-up the most important of things.
and suddenly sleeping at 1am is considered early.
i'm averaging two here.
it's three now.
and i probably shouldn't be complaining so much
because everyone is going through the same thing and all that
but this is my blog so shut the hell up and go away if you don't like it.
ugh.
):
note to self, do not ever edit important documents when half awake
AGAIN.
which is kind of hard, considering i'm usually
half awake in the morning/ afternoon/ night.
except mealtimes. i think i'm more or less awake then.
oh.
stupid pw ):printer is spurting out the eighteen pages,
(single-sided becuz i wanna kill moar trees.)
and i'm dying here.
4am whyyyyyyyy?!
haish.
):
oh, wait. make that eighteen pluz eight.
twenty-six pages gone,
that's got to be like, five treez or something.
geez.
we were meant to fly,
you and i, you and i.
term two started out like shit but i guess it didn't come as a surprise.
decided that i would more or less just
take it as it comes.
oh here's a test. oh this essay is due tmr.
lose a couple hours of sleep,
get it done with,
move on with life.
i mean i can't follow lists.
):
long day tomorrow.
nationals reeeeally, really near.
but i somehow developed this dumb mixed feeling
towards shooting.
gah.
chill out, seriously.
take a cookie, go and pee, or something.
even though i loathe chemistry,
i think they probably still have a heart.
if not,
we will poke holes in her car tyres/ her cat or something.
>)
yawnz.
but the ones who loved me told me to stop.
HEEEEELLO I AM STILL ALIVE.
don't particularly have time to blog but im going to anyway.
long due, this one.
HYF CAMP @ st' john island :D
i mean, the sea haz diamonds or something.
and from this beach, if you climb the rocks
you can totally see singapore skyline.
and the flyer and stuff,
and it's really really romantic cool at night when singapore lights up
and we know this because we snuck out to
release all the crabs that we caught, haha.
then had a night walk around the
weird abandoned st john island bungalows
which turned into a very long walk along some road
and then finding the most beautiful beach when we came out from the foresty area.
and swam in the dark
until it was two in the morning and we were cold and hungry.
kind of freaky because anytime something touched us we
screamed jellyfish.
bloop, bloop.
:D
:D
reached the mainland,
and i swear, life doesn't spare you a second.
i think i got slapped by reality really, really hard.
and all the deadlines and assignments and tests and projects
and I BLOODY CANNOT STAND IT UGH I WANT TO DIE WHY MUST THEY PILE SO MUCH SHIT ONTO US WE ARE NOT EVEN ADULTS YET WE ARE KIDZ AND WE WANNA HAVE A YOU KNOW, FRICKIN LIFE.
but instead we have a sad excuse of a life
and that suxx.
a lot.
one day we will stop checking for monsters under our bed, because we realise they are inside us.
no man is an island!
theme for herald youth camp 2011, haha.
somehow managed to force myself to drop everything
and run away for three days
@ st' john island.
a bit of an ocean away, anyway.
so, i'm off.
leaving my entire world behind me,
but i'll be back,
duh. in time to annoy you some more :D
with luv from gina.
i always forget to tell you i love you, i loved you from the very first day
(superman, taylor swift)
starting to think that it was probably a
good thing in the end, because
if i was happy it would have turned out a heckload
differently.
but then it's about the world suddenly disappearing.
well, not so much. more like,
become unimportant.
so the world is gone, and everyone in the world is gone
and you feel safe.
not safe like, holding-up-your-hand-when-crossing-the-road, or safe like insulating-all-your-copper-wires
but safe like, you know everything will be okay,
but even if it does not, you know you are not alone
and you know that everything that was said before was true,
and you don't doubt anything, haha.
safe like, for that square of a moment, i looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses.
all the thankyous and sorrys don't quite add up.
the view of the world over your shoulder.
you know,
this is ours.
I WILL TRAIN MOAR AND TALK LEZZ AND
STOP THROWING THE PANTS ON THE FLOOR AND
LISTEN TO COACH AND DON'T TRY TO SHOOT PEOPLE W THE GUN(STAND).
i just don't want to disappoint myself because i've got enough
of all that this year already and well,
it's shooting.
second most important thing in my life zomg.
almost as important as literature, hehe.
): we need a miracle.
AND WE R GOING TO GET ONE ZOMG.
psyched.
i wizh that
the tsunami doesn't
take too many lives.
maybe. it's the start of the end.
mrs har: ok 4L, so what does ohm's law say?4L: ohmmmmmmmmm-
well, you drive me crazy half the time,
the only half i'm only trying to let you know, that what i feel is true,
and looking at you and suddenly having this squeezy feeling and a
teeny moment of realization that
no matter what shit happens in my life,
i cannot, cannot let you go.
and this silly little hope that
you won't ever have to walk out of the door first.
hunh.
am i gettin' sentimental or whut? ):
You looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses.
You looked at the world with the disgruntled spirit of a dying soldier.
You looked at the world with this iridescent hope that nothing could quench.
You looked at the world with hard-earned happiness, loving and loved in return.
of my life.
you gave me roses, and i left them there to die.
i'd go back in time and change it, but i can't.
but if the chain is on your door, i understand.
most upsetting thing ever ):
having someone wait around so much, until they leave
and you never realised how much they meant to you until
you wake up and suddenly it's really cold out.
it just sucks when you don't know something until you lose it,
but durh, it's too late for anything.
and then i've kind of learnt that sometimes it's really best to
take stupid risks in life even though
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger makes you wish it did,
but you tried and that's all that matters.
or would you want to live your whole life wondering what could have been?
because it's really, really dumb if you have that person in your life
and you screw it up all because you were scared.
of what?
not getting what you want?
but this is life and nobody does anyway.
if the earth fell off the orbit tomorrow and everybody dies,
did you do everything you had to?
stop making 11:11 wishes if that's all your are going to do,
because nobody actually hears them but yourself.
you have to get your arse off the chair and make it happen yourself.
i guess there was this bit in the past where i
was scared too
because it was completely irrational and ridiculous
but then it turned out to be the most impossibly happy thing ever.
like, stopping in your tracks in a busy busy street when our song comes on
and singing and smiling like an idiot and all the tired faces look at you incredulously,
wishing they had it in them to be that happy as well.
long live all the mountains we moved,
i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.
;D
shooting stars will land eventually.
either that or they keeping falling forever.
really!
meh. singaporeans are among the unhappiest people in the world,
you know.
it hurts hurts hurts and
i feel like a fountain,they should just prop me in front of the blood bank
and let people queue up with cups, or something.
bleh.
:(
i'm not afraid of dying,
but i am afraid of losing you.
FOR ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
because where have you and your music been all my life?
sigh ♥.
don't you realise we'll just be fighting, and fightingall our lives? it will never stop. we will never get to stop.
and then, there comes a time where you
just know you can't fucking breathe anymore.
the weight of the world lies on your shoulders and it's unforgiving.
the funny thing is that, when it finally lets up, or if it even does,
you've kind of long forgotten how to breathe.
it will never come naturally to you again.
you will never be enough.
why?
that was a pretty awesome moment when he announced it,
and no one was really expecting it, and we all wanted it
to get over and done with, then he said our school, and our heads snapped up
and i shoved you, and it was like 'you won! oh my god, you guys won!'
and you ran there and everyone was smiling so widely it hurt.idk, maybe didn't really show it, but was really
really happy for you, i mean, you wanted it so badly,
and you worked so hard for it and you finally got rewarded
and i suppose we were all surprised but still, you know,
it was bound to happen eventually :D
and it's going to be the first of many many many :D
so. congratulations captain!! you finally did it :D
what-ever.
it's not so much of a, oh-this-is-the-end, but so quiet we might not even realise it. because you are clearly unaffected, and i have became irrational, and hard to talk to. and there comes a point of time in your life when the ones you once thought important, no longer seem that way. because everything started and ended with the bitter- stuff we didn't dare say before. oddly enough, i still have the messy notes and the silly cards and the reminder of when the days were actually golden. so yeah. you kind of see the end coming. and you get so tired, and you don't feel like fighting against what is just happening. and we fall in love with a million different faces, and it reduces to a look-back-once-in-a-while, about a kid you used to stand up for, i wonder how life is for him? then i stop myself halfway, because i realised, that you don't care anymore, and neither did i. but it's alright. we'll each be okay, you know?it doesn't matter if you leave first, or me.
really, it doesn't.
._.
Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen and what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed.
-jaime randall, love and other drugs.
blood and fire.
hope i didn't just make the hugest mistake of my life, haha.probably not, but still :O.
because i kind of
didn't see it coming and when it did it
hit me hard, and i used to laughed at the incredulity of it
all the time in the past, because it wasn't supposed to
happen this way, but i guess i know better now.
holy shit, huh.
heeeeeeell yeah breaking every single rule i ever made myself follow,
i just don't want to end up regretting anything,
you know.
so, declan o'callahan and i should probably learn your middle name,here is my proposal; i propose we not make plans,i propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out.so what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?(leap year)
well, do you?
and to all the mistakes i ever made in the past, that came back to haunt me and
tried to scare me away from this, SCREW THE LOT OF YOU!!
hereeeeeeeeee we go,
welcome to my frickin' teenage dream.
:D
scared.
a teeny bit.
like, in leap year where he asked her
when the fire alarm comes on,
and for that 60 seconds, you could grab anything you wanted,
what would it be?
seem like there's always someone who disapproves,
they'll judge it like they know about me and you,
the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do,
the jury's out, but my choice is you.
i can't live without chocolate, shooting, and you.
no one has the right to judge us because no one really knows what we've been through.tired):
they may have heard our stories, but they never did once felt what we felt in our hearts.
tgif, seriously. hello, weekend.
so weird, all the what-could-have-been(s).
those might just be the ones that keep you up the longest,
you know the words you were afraid of saying.
don't be, because if it were true,
it wouldn't matter one bit.
and have no idea why but
the second best feeling i could ever feel is when
i'm there and my gun is near me and
i look down through the sight,
and i hold my breath.
xx
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Nam liber tempor cum soluta nobis eleifend option congue nihil imperdiet doming id quod mazim placerat facer possim assum. Typi non habent claritatem insitam; est usus legentis in iis qui facit eorum claritatem. Investigationes demonstraverunt lectores legere me lius quod ii legunt saepius. Claritas est etiam processus dynamicus, qui sequitur mutationem consuetudium lectorum. Mirum est notare quam littera gothica, quam nunc putamus parum claram, anteposuerit litterarum formas humanitatis per seacula quarta decima et quinta decima. Eodem modo typi, qui nunc nobis videntur parum clari, fiant sollemnes in futurum.
