):
so dumb that everyone tells you to follow your heart blah blah blah
when everything is already curving towards another side
and what?! forcing everyone into doing what some have completely no interest in?!
this is taking our dreams and showing us how they
crush it and let the fragments slip through their fingers
just because they can.
i just hate that it's that way.
i'm a literature student. i'm not inclined towards science.
so stereotype me now.
i can feel your heartbeat playing on my right side.
mid weeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
come on we can do it :D
ehh. won't you just revert back to who you were before you met them?
i mean, not like you have to change a lot for that person
NOT LIKE LOVE IS ABOUT CHANGING FOR SOMEONE
IT'S ABOUT ACCEPTING WHO THEY ARE DESPITE EVERYTHING.
YOU CAN'T JUST CHANGE SO SOMEONE WILL LOVE YOU
BECAUSE ONE DAY YOU WILL GET SO TIRED OF PUTTING UP THAT SHOW
THEN CRACKS WILL START TO SHOW AND
THEY WILL END UP FACING THE REAL YOU,
AND PROBABLY NOT LIKE WHAT THEY SEE,
WHICH IS NOT RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT ON AN ACT
BECAUSE THE PERSON THEY FALL IN LOVE WILL JUST BE AN ACT
AND NOT WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
AND WTF WILL YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES SOMEONE WHO ISN'T THE REAL YOU?
I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY KNOWING THAT?
AND WHAT, PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE YOUR WHOLE LIFE?
AND IT'S DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
zomg.
wake up in the middle of the night to say,
i'll never walk away again.
like, from the train @redhill or something, haha.
just realised how funny it is that everything is super different now
like, the us from the past would have laughed themselves sick
over how we are now.
but then they'd stop laughing after a while because they realise
how much happier we are.
okay idk about you, but me at least.
happyyyyyyy like having a balloon tied to your wrist
(even if it's a sucky knot that keeps coming loose)
or happy like when you see soap bubbles.
which is odd because i'm simultaneously miserable about school.
SUCKERPUNCH PLZ COME FASTER ZOMG I WANT :D
sweet dreams are made of this, who am i to disagree?
haish.
i think i'm super easily irritated these days ):
i hope i don't chase anyone away by mistake.
except when someone comes back
and you have to make it seem like it still matters
when it bloody doesn't.
and they are heaping all these options about our futures on to us,
when really, i just want to pull through year fourrrr.
not to mention nationals coming, wtf.
really bad feeling about this, like i know i should be training more,
but then i'd need about ten days a week.
and i know it's important and we've been training for it since last year
and blah blah blah, but
i just have an uncanny ability to screw-up the most important of things.
and suddenly sleeping at 1am is considered early.
i'm averaging two here.
it's three now.
and i probably shouldn't be complaining so much
because everyone is going through the same thing and all that
but this is my blog so shut the hell up and go away if you don't like it.
ugh.
):
note to self, do not ever edit important documents when half awake
AGAIN.
which is kind of hard, considering i'm usually
half awake in the morning/ afternoon/ night.
except mealtimes. i think i'm more or less awake then.
oh.
stupid pw ):printer is spurting out the eighteen pages,
(single-sided becuz i wanna kill moar trees.)
and i'm dying here.
4am whyyyyyyyy?!
haish.
):
oh, wait. make that eighteen pluz eight.
twenty-six pages gone,
that's got to be like, five treez or something.
geez.
we were meant to fly,
you and i, you and i.
term two started out like shit but i guess it didn't come as a surprise.
decided that i would more or less just
take it as it comes.
oh here's a test. oh this essay is due tmr.
lose a couple hours of sleep,
get it done with,
move on with life.
i mean i can't follow lists.
):
long day tomorrow.
nationals reeeeally, really near.
but i somehow developed this dumb mixed feeling
towards shooting.
gah.
chill out, seriously.
take a cookie, go and pee, or something.
even though i loathe chemistry,
i think they probably still have a heart.
if not,
we will poke holes in her car tyres/ her cat or something.
>)
yawnz.
but the ones who loved me told me to stop.
HEEEEELLO I AM STILL ALIVE.
don't particularly have time to blog but im going to anyway.
long due, this one.
HYF CAMP @ st' john island :D
i mean, the sea haz diamonds or something.
and from this beach, if you climb the rocks
you can totally see singapore skyline.
and the flyer and stuff,
and it's really really romantic cool at night when singapore lights up
and we know this because we snuck out to
release all the crabs that we caught, haha.
then had a night walk around the
weird abandoned st john island bungalows
which turned into a very long walk along some road
and then finding the most beautiful beach when we came out from the foresty area.
and swam in the dark
until it was two in the morning and we were cold and hungry.
kind of freaky because anytime something touched us we
screamed jellyfish.
bloop, bloop.
:D
:D
reached the mainland,
and i swear, life doesn't spare you a second.
i think i got slapped by reality really, really hard.
and all the deadlines and assignments and tests and projects
and I BLOODY CANNOT STAND IT UGH I WANT TO DIE WHY MUST THEY PILE SO MUCH SHIT ONTO US WE ARE NOT EVEN ADULTS YET WE ARE KIDZ AND WE WANNA HAVE A YOU KNOW, FRICKIN LIFE.
but instead we have a sad excuse of a life
and that suxx.
a lot.
one day we will stop checking for monsters under our bed, because we realise they are inside us.
no man is an island!
theme for herald youth camp 2011, haha.
somehow managed to force myself to drop everything
and run away for three days
@ st' john island.
a bit of an ocean away, anyway.
so, i'm off.
leaving my entire world behind me,
but i'll be back,
duh. in time to annoy you some more :D
with luv from gina.
i always forget to tell you i love you, i loved you from the very first day
(superman, taylor swift)
starting to think that it was probably a
good thing in the end, because
if i was happy it would have turned out a heckload
differently.
but then it's about the world suddenly disappearing.
well, not so much. more like,
become unimportant.
so the world is gone, and everyone in the world is gone
and you feel safe.
not safe like, holding-up-your-hand-when-crossing-the-road, or safe like insulating-all-your-copper-wires
but safe like, you know everything will be okay,
but even if it does not, you know you are not alone
and you know that everything that was said before was true,
and you don't doubt anything, haha.
safe like, for that square of a moment, i looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses.
all the thankyous and sorrys don't quite add up.
the view of the world over your shoulder.
you know,
this is ours.
I WILL TRAIN MOAR AND TALK LEZZ AND
STOP THROWING THE PANTS ON THE FLOOR AND
LISTEN TO COACH AND DON'T TRY TO SHOOT PEOPLE W THE GUN(STAND).
i just don't want to disappoint myself because i've got enough
of all that this year already and well,
it's shooting.
second most important thing in my life zomg.
almost as important as literature, hehe.
): we need a miracle.
AND WE R GOING TO GET ONE ZOMG.
psyched.
i wizh that
the tsunami doesn't
take too many lives.
maybe. it's the start of the end.
mrs har: ok 4L, so what does ohm's law say?4L: ohmmmmmmmmm-
well, you drive me crazy half the time,
the only half i'm only trying to let you know, that what i feel is true,
and looking at you and suddenly having this squeezy feeling and a
teeny moment of realization that
no matter what shit happens in my life,
i cannot, cannot let you go.
and this silly little hope that
you won't ever have to walk out of the door first.
hunh.
am i gettin' sentimental or whut? ):
You looked at the world through rose-tinted glasses.
You looked at the world with the disgruntled spirit of a dying soldier.
You looked at the world with this iridescent hope that nothing could quench.
You looked at the world with hard-earned happiness, loving and loved in return.
of my life.
you gave me roses, and i left them there to die.
i'd go back in time and change it, but i can't.
but if the chain is on your door, i understand.
most upsetting thing ever ):
having someone wait around so much, until they leave
and you never realised how much they meant to you until
you wake up and suddenly it's really cold out.
it just sucks when you don't know something until you lose it,
but durh, it's too late for anything.
and then i've kind of learnt that sometimes it's really best to
take stupid risks in life even though
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger makes you wish it did,
but you tried and that's all that matters.
or would you want to live your whole life wondering what could have been?
because it's really, really dumb if you have that person in your life
and you screw it up all because you were scared.
of what?
not getting what you want?
but this is life and nobody does anyway.
if the earth fell off the orbit tomorrow and everybody dies,
did you do everything you had to?
stop making 11:11 wishes if that's all your are going to do,
because nobody actually hears them but yourself.
you have to get your arse off the chair and make it happen yourself.
i guess there was this bit in the past where i
was scared too
because it was completely irrational and ridiculous
but then it turned out to be the most impossibly happy thing ever.
like, stopping in your tracks in a busy busy street when our song comes on
and singing and smiling like an idiot and all the tired faces look at you incredulously,
wishing they had it in them to be that happy as well.
long live all the mountains we moved,
i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.
;D
shooting stars will land eventually.
either that or they keeping falling forever.
really!
meh. singaporeans are among the unhappiest people in the world,
you know.
it hurts hurts hurts and
i feel like a fountain,they should just prop me in front of the blood bank
and let people queue up with cups, or something.
bleh.
:(
i'm not afraid of dying,
but i am afraid of losing you.
FOR ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
because where have you and your music been all my life?
sigh ♥.
don't you realise we'll just be fighting, and fightingall our lives? it will never stop. we will never get to stop.
and then, there comes a time where you
just know you can't fucking breathe anymore.
the weight of the world lies on your shoulders and it's unforgiving.
the funny thing is that, when it finally lets up, or if it even does,
you've kind of long forgotten how to breathe.
it will never come naturally to you again.
you will never be enough.
why?
that was a pretty awesome moment when he announced it,
and no one was really expecting it, and we all wanted it
to get over and done with, then he said our school, and our heads snapped up
and i shoved you, and it was like 'you won! oh my god, you guys won!'
and you ran there and everyone was smiling so widely it hurt.idk, maybe didn't really show it, but was really
really happy for you, i mean, you wanted it so badly,
and you worked so hard for it and you finally got rewarded
and i suppose we were all surprised but still, you know,
it was bound to happen eventually :D
and it's going to be the first of many many many :D
so. congratulations captain!! you finally did it :D
what-ever.
it's not so much of a, oh-this-is-the-end, but so quiet we might not even realise it. because you are clearly unaffected, and i have became irrational, and hard to talk to. and there comes a point of time in your life when the ones you once thought important, no longer seem that way. because everything started and ended with the bitter- stuff we didn't dare say before. oddly enough, i still have the messy notes and the silly cards and the reminder of when the days were actually golden. so yeah. you kind of see the end coming. and you get so tired, and you don't feel like fighting against what is just happening. and we fall in love with a million different faces, and it reduces to a look-back-once-in-a-while, about a kid you used to stand up for, i wonder how life is for him? then i stop myself halfway, because i realised, that you don't care anymore, and neither did i. but it's alright. we'll each be okay, you know?it doesn't matter if you leave first, or me.
really, it doesn't.
._.
Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen and what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed.
-jaime randall, love and other drugs.
blood and fire.
hope i didn't just make the hugest mistake of my life, haha.probably not, but still :O.
because i kind of
didn't see it coming and when it did it
hit me hard, and i used to laughed at the incredulity of it
all the time in the past, because it wasn't supposed to
happen this way, but i guess i know better now.
holy shit, huh.
heeeeeeell yeah breaking every single rule i ever made myself follow,
i just don't want to end up regretting anything,
you know.
so, declan o'callahan and i should probably learn your middle name,here is my proposal; i propose we not make plans,i propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out.so what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?(leap year)
well, do you?
and to all the mistakes i ever made in the past, that came back to haunt me and
tried to scare me away from this, SCREW THE LOT OF YOU!!
hereeeeeeeeee we go,
welcome to my frickin' teenage dream.
:D
scared.
a teeny bit.
like, in leap year where he asked her
when the fire alarm comes on,
and for that 60 seconds, you could grab anything you wanted,
what would it be?
seem like there's always someone who disapproves,
they'll judge it like they know about me and you,
the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do,
the jury's out, but my choice is you.
i can't live without chocolate, shooting, and you.
no one has the right to judge us because no one really knows what we've been through.tired):
they may have heard our stories, but they never did once felt what we felt in our hearts.
tgif, seriously. hello, weekend.
so weird, all the what-could-have-been(s).
those might just be the ones that keep you up the longest,
you know the words you were afraid of saying.
don't be, because if it were true,
it wouldn't matter one bit.
and have no idea why but
the second best feeling i could ever feel is when
i'm there and my gun is near me and
i look down through the sight,
and i hold my breath.
xx
do you remember,
the nights we stayed up just laughing,
smiling for hours,
at anything?
when the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound,
we'll take control of the world like it's all we have to hold on to, and
we'll be a dream.
for awc, for you and for every other insignificant thing
inbetween. because i don't know
what else i'd do.
well, actually i do but i suppose my head should stfu for this one.
i'm staying.
so cute, i know. a bit nuts about the whole enchanted deal, haha.
i want adam young for mye-self, taylor plz shoo):
long long long shit awful day. kept falling asleep infront of the teachers ):
don't know if i should leave because it seems like all the better options
but i don't know if i can,
the reasons seem so stupid and inadequate and i'm weighing both sides and
coming up with nothing.
don't know, though.
waits for the 11:11 moment every night, dumb as it seems.
i don't know, haha. somehow i guess if i keep repeating the same thing over and
over it'll miraculously come true, and anyway some stream of consciousness crap
that we did last year and mr ken said that if an entire hall of people believe in something
it's bound to come true.
well then,
i believe i believe i believe ( i think. )
i used to, then it became kind of ludicrous and i guess
i gave up somewhere along the way.
we all had to grow up eventually, you know?
like, raping the repeat button for bound to you because it
just shouldn't go unheard, it's beautiful.
:D
You're all I need when I'm holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight.
If you walk away I will suffer tonight.
Bound to You
frickin' a.
I never had somebody waiting on me
'Cause you were all of my dreams come true.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
haha, it was very pink and fluffy :D and full of nice stuff.
and there iz so much love in the air, it's beaaaaautiful :D
and you know,
in the end, peter pan pulled off tinkerbell's wingsso she could never leave.sometimes, love is just another way to bleed.
i don't know how he could do it, but i think i kind of know why, scary as it seems.
maybe you love someone so much,
you wouldn't stop at any cost. doesn't seem superficial, i guess.
love was supposed to be made of beautiful stuff, but i suppose sometimes
the scary stuff we are so afraid of showing is more important, you know?
i know, i kind of made many many shitty mistakes in the past and
even right now it feels like i'm squeezing my eyes shut and ambling forward haphazardly,
and the possibility of what might actually happen is so suffocating
and the risks and the whole bloody thing just seems daunting,
because in the past i somehow decided that i would be afraid of it to protect myself
but you know, screw it all.
it's like i know it might screw me up, but i want to, anyway.
want to. because i see no other way out of this and
it's like this part of me i never knew existed.
and suddenly it's here.
decided that i
want to step off the edge and learn to fly on the way down.
you, coming with me?
no regrets, just love.
at first i was like, what the hell did i get myself into?but then i knew.
chingay is overrrr and am kind of super upset about it, because
it turned out to be one of the better decisions i ever made, haha.
it was great great fun, sitting by the river and then sitting at the carpark and then
running around with the walkie-talkies and trying to kill someone who wanted
you to save her a balloon and running for the last train and running away to esplanade and
freaking out at the star wars clones, staggering home at midnight and feeding candy to the thing-which-is-not-a-frog.
his name is om nom :C
somehow coming to love this parade in a
funny sort of way.
jumping everytime they suddenly blew up the fireworks.
like how, we were near the water and the fireworks blowing up in our faces so near i swear if we stretched out we could have totally touched, or something.
and then letting a balloon go in what would have been a beautiful moment if
the stupid thing didn't get stuck in a tree.
and then running (protesting) all the way along sectors A B C to rush for the last flight
at the flyer, totally didn't think we would make it but
strangely enough we did,
and we kind of saw singapore from way up,
and everything kind of comes to life at night, i guess.
and you feel all sorts of strange emotions you never knew
you could feel.
it's being at the top of the world, you know?
and looking down on what could have been and what you did,
and realising, for that moment.
you know, there comes a time when you don't really need to say much
because you don't speak and it says so much more.
don't know.
but do you ever stop to think,
then forget to start again?
eh happy birthday, i guess. :O
even though, yeah. :C
but still. :D
tired. :/
and i'm sixteen!
haha so many people to thank, you know who you are
and i love you guys to death!
and also, didn't think i would actually fall sick
on my bdae + the next day and that suxx.
starting to recount all the crap i ingested this few days, haha.
happy cny, you guys!
holy sheets, i'm sixteen.
._.
why must it take a birthday for you to realise?
why did you have to wait until my birthday to tell me all that?
why not any other ordinary day?
why?
back to reality cny passed too quickly,but i think we did what we came to do.
i swear, i must have had eaten twice my weight in food,
or something like that, yumz. :D
tree and a half moar hourz, haha.
you! get well soon, geeeeez.
2am, who do you love?
Angel of Death: So, child, make the choice. The world, or him?
Liz Sherman: Him.
somehow hellboy and liz seems like the only superhero pair who truly love each other, you know?
not the superficial type, but the kind when they love each other so much,
one keeps going away to protect the other and messing things up, but in the end,
they always come back because sooner or later they realise that
they need each other in their lives
for it to matter.
besides, liz is totally cool with her fire, i really really like :D
you!!
i got hammer to hack down all your walls, hehe
or shoot
or use francium + water and blow up or something la.
i don't want to leave/ live without you so i'm going to block the door
or something.
with a chair. or something. (cos duh u need like, 7 gina(s) to fill up the doorframe)
chill, anyw. you were just trying to help, ok.
and even so u still have me *WAVES*
duh the sun will come out tomorrow!
or i will , you know, bring a torch light and stalk hunt you down
until i find you, HAHA.
then tie u up and grill you or something.
yumz.
don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground, it's like
no matter what i do.
/:
i think.
i mean, duh it depends of the guy and the girl and how smitten
they are by each other, but
you realise, at the end of the line that
most of the times we complicate things ourselves.
just
shut up and let it happen.
usually it's not boy meets girl, unless you r romeo
and he met juliet and what, three days later he marries her?
o_o
isn't it from those
you never knew you noticed before. i mean, they are there. in fact,
they are always there but somehow you get blinded by
other cows and ducks and bushes along the road that you
don't really notice them.
and then they leave for someone else
who knows what you failed to see?.
All I'm saying is, this one'sbeautiful on the inside too. Andshe won't be on the shelf forever.- Sean to Jack, Burlesque
thursday night @mbs for anna's birthday, it was really awesome,
seven7 deadly sins themed,
killer view from the room on the 36th floor, zomg.
but we didn't stay long after the crazy truth/dare,
you know, singapore's really pretty at night and
we trudged all the way out to the esplanade
and my siz stumbling in her killer heels, hehe.
seriously, the whole half of her skin peeled off and it's hanging there now.
had supper and talked a lot then, stumbled home.
tree (trunk)
more days to cny!
can't wait can't wait can't wait!
:D
You know what, you're right. We both should be thinking about our futures.And I might just be looking at mine right now.
this is our last chance, give me your hands,
cause' our world is spinning at the speed of light.
the stupid truth is that you mean more to me than i would ever
dare to admit.
and you make me break rules and, complain about the world
and cry like a loser in front of you,
and i scream at you a lot, you scream back sometimes,
we push each other away but we always come back,
and annoyingly enough, you know me a little bit more than myself,
you know?
it's weirdddd. and
it's more than being extraordinarily happy.
it's knowing you won't let me walk out of the door,
i think.
it's 2 a.m.
):
Just know I'm right here hoping,
You'll come in with the rain.
we have so many masks that we put on everyday that we no longer know which one is real.
tgif, seriously.
next week will be halved, though and that's cool.
finally cny, and turning 16 in less than two weeks, zomg.
sixteeeeeeeeen.
if i live to be eighty, that is 1/5 of my life gone.
nevermind. stupid post, just fyi that i'm still alive.
ugh.
flipping a coin helps, not because it helps us choose what we want,
but rather, the moment the coin flips up in the air,
you kind of decide what you want.
anyway you shouldn't let some scrapey metal chink decide for you._.
realised today morning (as i ran for the mrt)
going back to the past is not what i really want.
which is odd, because i thought i wanted to. but
then found out that, reliving everything in the past sucks because
you know what happens next.
figured that december wasn't the best.
i don't know actually. there isn't really a best period i think,
it's just all coming together and increasing exponentially
and admittedly, we had to yell at each other a bit to knock some sense
into ourselves. and somehow it was
necessary. not enjoyable, but necessary.
because now everything is different from december,
but almost a different-good.
but, nevermind.
TGIF, everyone!
come on, say that we'll be together.
party time! xx
she laughs at my dreams but i dream about her laughter.
ugh.really, really wet day today.
had one test after another and anyway wednesdays are the longest
days ever ):
so annoyed at myself. you know, it's like
you know you shouldn't be saying something, but you want to.
like, you really, really want to.
but the minute it leaves you, you sort of regret it.
in retrospect,
a lot of things i probably should never have said
because it was stupid and immature and
i shouldn't have. i really, really shouldn't have.
maybe i just want you to be happy for me,
even if you think i'm making a terrible mistake.
ok maybe not happy, but just not so utterly against it,
you know?
suppose you try to talk me out of it, but you know i won't listen.
well,
if it makes me happy, why can't i?
i think, because you aren't happy about it.
and well, don't you think you know who is more important?
):
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