i never said i was tired.

i'm only giving up because there really isn't a point in forcing you.

you aren't happy.

i asked you to do what you want,

wasn't that what you wanted from me right from the start?

but looking back at the shittiest week of my life,

i know i screwed up really bad.

and i'm doing all the shit i never knew i would be doing because of you.

when i got all worried about drifting apart because of school reopening,

i never knew it would be this drastic.

as much as i caused it, i didn't see it coming.

i suppose i pushed you too far this time.

and when i tried to set it right, i guess it only aggravated everything

and one thing led to another and another and now we're practically strangers.

and i find myself unable to live with that.

this is the part i hate. when my mind uploads a torrent of everything we did together.

all the millions of times we ran into cinemas, all the dumb arguments that always ended, all the nights we shot side by side at the range, but mostly apart because i couldn't shoot properly next to you. and how we were always the last to leave and got chased out of the range. millions of mornings during holidays where we went training, and the countless times we just sat at esplanade talking about our futures like we had a clue. then specific incidents. outside yishun range where we sat at the reservoir steps after NIS, and then by the lake during the chingay fireworks, then racing across the whole length of the chingay area to catch the last flight for the flyer, baking together a few times and discovering that our brownies were awesome but everything else kinda sucked, how you made an entirely new glider for my group without me realising, and of course physics. how you saved my grade despite winding up hating kinematics, finding out how you liked sweet popcorn and i liked sweet. that u ate dark chocolate and i ate milk chocolate. that i drank coke and you didn't. that your subway sandwich couldn't have onions and cucumbers and sometimes, olives. and then there's a bunch of concerts together. and there was nationals. i'd never been so down before, and i ran to the range and waited for you to come. i just had to see you. i knew that no one else could make me feel better. and how we both ran down to find our junior. and it made me realise what i had by me. someone i never really saw in anyone else. someone i was trying to find since i started reading and watching romantic crap. someone i actually really loved for the first time. i was given the best thing yet in my life and i screwed it up.

and well, i'm sorry.

but before you try to pin something onto this apology as well,

don't.

there isn't really anything else to it.

i'm just sorry. that i did this to us, that we are like that now.

that i allowed myself to fall this deep in. that i had to find out the hard way.

that i made you upset. that i pissed you off.

i know you don't read this space anymore.

and i know you're really busy with everything going on now.

it's really not that i can't give you time or something.

it's just that frickin the universe doesn't make sense when we are apart.

going training on friday was a bad mistake.

the minute i reached the auto doors, i realised that all it did was remind me

of how this place used to be our life.

i didn't see this coming.

i'm sorry. just plain sorry.

❤ "" was Posted On: Saturday, July 2, 2011 @9:17 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿