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ranty post you have been warned i suppose.

but im guessing whoever reading this has unfinished holiday homework

so.

this would be a better waste of time :D

just sayin'.

haha sometimes i'm up wondering if i expect too much.

which we shouldn't. i guess.

one more week to go

remember waking up and dragging myself to national library

and then staying until they close.

became kinda sucky so one night i didn't feel like going home

and wandered around the cbd area.

i don't know luh, i love being there at night even though

fine i got lost a bit but i just gave up trying to make sense of it

and walked towards the esplanade.

stoned there for quite long.

surprisingly enough, i like being by myself sometimes.

i mean, it felt weird going to that place alone.

the thing is, straight after you leave,

you just feel downright shitty because

i don't know! the magic wears off or something.

haha, for the lack of a better description.

i can't really describe how much i love sitting on the steps seriously.

i love that place like crazy.

and returning to normalcy makes you feel really awful.

all the deadlines and reminders and expectations go back onto your shoulders.

yeah, like that. it sucks.

firstly, i seriously don't think i can. write and rewrite that script.

i really hate that it's the first time i actually don't like what i've written,

and just. don't feel like reading or re-reading it over again.

i don't know. he wanted it last night.

i haven't written a new word in simply because i don't know how.

classic.

dug a hole for myself and i can't climb out, great job._.

sis will be going away to nus hostel soon.

it's going to suck, i know it.

it's having someone awake at 2 am when you can't do chemistry

or you need to rant.

i don't know luh, but i really hope uni won't pull us apart

that would suck. we have all this plans to travel southern france, haha.

anyway, she can't even take it when i'm away for a week on camps,

but we're talking about having a room each,

might be a good thing though, since we all sleep at weird hours.

hoping to maybe paint my room yellow or pink

and stencil in lamposts and flowers and girly shit.

and hopefully get my own carpet zomg!!

to roll around in.

haha can't wait :D

also. you know, it's not that funny how we're all growing up and moving on.

how you waited till you actually saw me before talking.

then i couldn't help imagine if we didn't meet,

then duh you wouldn't have talked.

not trying to be annoying and read into it,

but just saying.

that we had differences i didn't want to confront and well,

i don't know.

i do know that you don't actually miss me.

where did that even come from?

it really doesn't matter anymore. maybe last time.

but to be honest, not really anymore.

it's not that i'm being weird

maybe a little.

fine maybe a lot, but they were all good intentions, i thought.

but i just didn't want it to come to a time

where everything flew right past and i can't remember what happened.

which happens a lot but that's not the point.

started recording everything that happened down this year.

figured i should go with good and bad stuff.

anyway february, march and april were the best months.

may was quite f-ed up though.

sometimes i get worried.

okay i get worried all the time but not always this.

i think.

it just seems to me as if it's downhill-ing.

and the feeling is shitty, no need to elaborate on that.

i suppose that's how it works, according to that strangers, again video.

not that it will end up the same, but still.

there's something i always love to hear about,

people who have been together for years.

haha, i'm a sucker for these kind of stories.

the whole idea of knowing all the small details about someone,

like how the details may seem insignificant, but actually are not,

am i making sense?

gah nevermind. reminds me of what natalie portman said in no strings attached,

something like: It's just... If we were in a relationship I'd become a weird scary version of myself, and my throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing, it's like a peanut allergy. It's like an emotional peanut allergy.

i'm not really allergic to peanuts. but i don't like them anyway.

the point is,

well actually i don't have a point. just a lot of jumbled up thoughts.

something i do quite obsessively is writing down

well, not just anything. i have a small black book for that,

and i just write happy stuff mostly. feelings.

(note. not a diary whatsoever._. blehhh)

how i didn't want anything to end or change and stuff.

like my own today i lived thing.

then recently, when i looked up from my work and saw it there

leaning against my calendar, i couldn't take it

because i didn't have anything i could write inside that was truthful.

truthful about me being happy as before now,

all that bullshit that i'm really good at conjuring up, i've realised.

anyway i guess i only dare to say this because i don't think you read this space anymore.

but all this have to go somewhere or i think i will have a concussion

for having the same repeated thoughts over and over.

oh is that possible ):

so, yeah.

this goes back to the start where i said that

i think i expect too much sometimes and maybe that's the problem right?

so if you stop expecting, you stop feeling shitty and it solves it.

besides, we are all so terribly busy.

anyway. i really hope it will go past december to the new year,

because last year's countdown with all that music and fireworks and stuff,

well i really want you to see that.

it was really nice, so i hope we can countdown together this year.

i have all these stupid dreams.

but vivid. it's like dreaming in hd.

something happens,

sometimes you leave, sometimes someone takes you away,

i always wake up too soon.

anyway it doesn't matter,

i can never remember how they end.

but okay deal with it, gina.

you have assignments to do.

drowning yourself in work doesn't actually help, by the way.

but we just say it does so we can sound all hardworking.

anyway, here's the script (as in the band ._.),

If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it
I still haven't slept yet

And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter
But eating without ya

If the truth is you're a liar
When you say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed
Going out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you
Like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

that would suck a lot i guess.

when the person's just gone, you'd even miss the fighting.

anyway, go and see the for the first time music video if you haven't,

somehow i really, really like it.

But we're gonna stop by drinking our cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

❤ "" was Posted On: Monday, June 20, 2011 @9:38 PM | 0 lovely comments ✿

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