i'm not all that upset.
just disappointed, maybe.
no. wait not that. i saw it coming.
wasn't jaw-droppingly shocked or anything.
pissed at myself, pissed at a lot of things, actually.
but mostly, me.
and i know you might really mean everything you said,
grades are stupid.
but then again, really, really easy for you to say.
then i wonder if you would still say the same thing when you're in my situation.
i don't know.
i can make a heck load of sweeping statements if i were in your position.
that it doesn't matter.
it's really not about enjoying life in our case.
we study hard too, sometimes harder.
but then that's how it works i guess. good getting better, bad gets left behind.
eat dirt and die.
i got this. just get through year four and get to senior high
and do what i want.
anything but science.
i want to write, dammit.
there are days i wake up and wish the world would just screw off to some place far
and just leave me alone to write,
and write, and write.
it's not the same when i draw science graphs, or solve math problems.
seems to me like i'm just regurgitating everything that i've been taught.
but when i write, i'm creating something out of virtually nothing.
there are no boundaries, no regulations, no careless mistakes,
no cramming facts into your head, or meaningless numbers
and you get the test paper, and all you do is throw everything out again,
make the numbers work,
answer according to the question or die.
no such thing as getting marks deducted for missing out a keyword
or for using the wrong units,
or for the wrong number of significant figures and,
no punching figures into calculators,
or counting the small green boxes to draw graphs i really hate drawing graphs.
basically, writing is different.
it makes me happy.
how the hell can i pass up that feeling?
not like, being happy when-i-see-you-and-you-share-your-milkshake-with-me happy.
but like, uplifting.
like hundreds of helium balloons dragging you across the interstate.
you never want to come back down once you're up there.
:D
on another note,
going to be a quiet june break without you around as much.
gah.
):
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