last day of term 2 tomorrow andi guess this is when random annoying thoughts enter your head and don't leave.
not going to hide it, term two was downright shitty.
more days where i trudged home upset than high.
got that feeling so much it started to feel normal,
the one where you just want to hide under the bed,
because the monsters there are better any day then the monsters in your life.
term 2 was nationals.
i think nationals killed a part of me inside ._.
like how we spent so much effort consoling everyone around,
when actually you don't believe a single word you're saying.
i don't know. probably said enough about nats already,
i didn't stop because i got over it, i just stopped because i got tired of it.
term 2 was us arguing more than usual, which wouldn't be much of an issue,
just that it wasn't small ones that nothing a sorry can't cure.
it wasn't like that.
they were huge, i thought. sometimes they went on for days.
sometimes, after the sorry, everything seems okay,
but you know it's not.
you know it's not and you feel like your insides have gotten tangled up into one huge knot.
after a while, you become numb to it.
the worst part was that neither knew what to do,
or how to stop it.
we got over it, eventually. we always do.
but. i don't know. you can't help wondering why.
and of course term 2 is me screwing up my grades a lot.
every time someone says that grades aren't everything,
just roll your eyes, seriously. the whole world knows that grades are everything.
it always boils down to that 3 digits on your gpa.
just like how it always boils down to that 3 digits of your shooting score.
honestly, no one really gives a shit about you having fun during the process.
you get in there, you give me the damn score, you win for the school, you get out.
as much as they butter us up with encouragement and all that,
i suppose no matter what, people want results.
stupid superficial society. no one really cares if you have a pure and true heart
so what, if you're stupid and you can't earn as much?
you're not enough.
you'll never be.
but then again, i've more or less came to terms with it.
not the end of the world.
clean up everything and move on.
you are not your gpa, even if some people think you are.
i googled the definition of a best friend.
the one friend who is the closest to you.
also someone who means more to you than you.
A best friend loves you no matter what, but encourages you to pick up your life when you begin to lower your standards. They call you on weekends to hang out, or just to talk. You both share secrets and expect honest advice. They know a lot about you because they listen to everything you say. They never talk about you behind your back and stick up for you when other people put you down. They are willing to do whatever it takes to help you in any predicament. They can tell if you are "fine" or if you are having a bad day and trying to hide it. And when this happens, they knows how to cheer you up. They simply love you.
i just._. idk, if my bestfriend cannot get over someone, and i know that that someone has clearly gotten over and is now attached._.
it just gets me how you act like it doesn't matter
maybe he deserves it, but i was just hoping in your anger,
you might maybe try walking in his shoes for a while.
fighting for someone you'll never get is the worst battle ever.
but he's fighting it now and you're on the other side watching him fall over and over
just letting him.
and maybe you tried to tell him. i'm sure you did,
that doesn't really make it anyone's fault, but i just find it kind of sad to watch.
think this sort of thing where you can't tell your best friend your feelings isn't right.
and a huge part of me don't want to see this affect you like history repeating itself.
got that unnerving tendency to want to shield you from all the horrible stuff
i don't know.
i just hope you don't forget the good days when you're having bad days.
screw off, term 2.
i'm just relieved you're finally over.
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