today was bad.
i mean, not oh-i-woke-up-without-breakfast bad.
like, your stomach rolling over and feeling sick to the core bad.
bad bad bad.
then it got better, i don't know.
also don't know why i was like that.
actually i do. but i don't know why i had to do that.
nvm.
):
i remember a period of time,
i think last year end, when we quarreled. a lot, a lot a lot.
about almost everything, and almost every night.
then suddenly, across the new year, we grew up, i guess.
but today it came back.
don't think anyone knows this but
i created angel from myself.
well. more or less created her, then sat back
and realised how similar we were.
in any case,
we both forget things. a lot.
but to a certain extent, it's true.
maybe when i was writing, i unknowingly wrote her
like how i was at that time.
the thing about angel is that she's forgetful.
and she's afraid of a lot of things.
and she's made some terrible mistakes in her lifetime,
and she really, really finds it hard to let go.
but then she meets jack.
start of whirlwind romance. blah blah. all that.
jack changes her life. she changes his.
now, jack.
has been hurt before in the past, so he's afraid too.
jack sees angel, and finds it in himself to worry about her.
jack never really made any mistakes, but he was wronged.
oh. wait. jack did. he never fought for what he wanted.
he more like accepted it as it came, and then left when it was over.
but now, he wants to go home because he's realised what he has done.
i wouldn't say he regrets it. he doesn't, really.
i guess it's more of getting tired of the journey.
you can't keep running forever.
but angel is. she's running away, and she'd packed her whole life into that suitcase
with no intention of returning home whatsoever.
then they meet.
it's like the demand and supply model in an economy.
the two lines intersect like an X.
at the intersection, everything's near perfect for a minute,
but then it continues rising in its own direction.
jack didn't end up with angel.
they knew they could have been great together,
but then, they couldn't, because their pasts wouldn't allow it.
the graphs continue rising, but separately.
i don't know if they'll be happy, but i know that for that moment when they were together,
they knew happiness.
think we reached the intersection. the ideal market price.
i hope it stops there, because if it rises any further,
we wouldn't be seeing it together.
we might be getting higher respectively, but it would also be getting
further, and further away.
):
don't know maybe there's something wrong with me.
like all the post-its and notes i write to remind myself are ridiculous sometimes.
things people wouldn't need reminders for.
i just like to write down every little insignificant, stupid thing,
to remind myself of me.
does that make sense?
nvm.
may 2nd, 2011.
made a stupid accusation. lost faith in us for a while.
had a nightmare. woke up and was never so scared before.
think i'm a horrible person. ):
shall connect myself to an electrical circuit and stay there until i fall asleep._.
will write to my dreams tomorrow, i guess.
sigh.
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