it's like restarting.
like you gave me an eraser to forget about all the mistakes i made before.
it's like a second chance because i'm getting another shot.
someone hit the restart button.
so. 2011. i know right?
can't quite grasp the fact that it's the last day of the year.
because , you know when i look around me now and back at the start,
it's not that hard to keep track of who's still around and
who left sometime ago during the year.
some i want to bundle up and store by my side when 2012 hits us.
i suppose i can say again, that i am happy.
what can i say? 2011 was an education.
happy new year's eve!
all for love, we become, larger than life-size.
The Hunger Games
i've no idea why i rushed to finish the entire hunger games trilogy in a day._. don't remember much about how i did it, really.
except that for the most part of book 1 i was in bed squinting at my phone.
and then the whole day in front of my lappie missing like 6 phone calls haha
it was scary. very, very graphic and horrifying.
the stuff your mind churns out when you read it.
feeling kind of hazy and disorientated now but i guess that's what i good book does to you.
thing is, the world i've convinced my self to be drawn into isn't unrealistic like vampires or wizards.
it seems so possible. so realistic.
like it's practically mirroring how we're like now.
and the whole concept of tributes and the Games which are always capitalized
and katniss doing her silent salute with the districts..
liked book 1 the best but there's something about the whole trilogy that sticks with you even after you finish.
some feeling you can't quite shake away.
that's 3 months to the movie, at least.
tick tock.
Then I hear the legendary announcer Claudius Templesmith, as his voice booms all around me.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games begin!"
hearts beat fastcolours and promiseshow to be brave?how can i fall in love when i'm afraid to fall?but watching you stand alone,all of my doubtsuddenly goes away.- A Thousand Years, Christina Perri
2011
it's twenty days to christmas.haven't decided if this should be a twenty-eleven look back on all the shit i did type of post.
2011 sucked. and then some.
i learnt a lot. i lost count of the number of times i gave up hope, i gave up on myself.
i lost count of all the times laughed till i cried,
or cried until i had to laugh at myself for being atrociously ridiculous.
i lost count of who came and who left and who stayed.
i lost count of the number of times you had to watch me cry.
i lost count of the nights i lay awake just worrying.
i lost count mostly because i was too tired to keep track, anyway.
spent the whole night reading my archives over and over.
it's december, the new year is starting soon,
and for the first time again, i'm going to sleep smiling into my pillow.
if there's something i've learnt about love and life, it's that we spend all our lives trying to understand it, and mark its course, maybe even predict it.
but it takes us by surprise every time.
and i can safely say that it's the most beautiful feeling in the world,
looking at someone and seeing the way they look at you.
like gravity, maybe. or like stephanie meyer once said, like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
so why does shit happen?
i guess only because so much better comes out of it.
marilyn monroe, sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall in place.
so get this, 2011 was the hardest year of my life.
but if i surgically remove all the sad bits, it might have been the one where i laughed the hardest,
where i held on the hardest.
where i looked at someone and believed again.
i'm not all for jumping back in knowing that something could hurt you.
that's like climbing out of a pool of glass with cuts running everywhere,
and then turning around and jumping back in again.
until now.
i guess i've just came to realise that sometimes you just know.
when someone gives you so much, you find it impossible to doubt anything,
however far-fetched it may sound at that time.
sometimes, you just know.
and for the first time in my life, i'm not going to over-analyse anything.
i'm not going to worry about the future.
i feel like a completely different person than who i was in december 2010.
where back then, i had everything i know.
when i didn't know how hard my heart could break.
where i didn't know of mornings waking up, and being unable to breathe.
and definitely, definitely didn't know that i was able to get through it all, as well.
well, that's what happens with life i guess.
we get in, we grow up, and we get hurt and we learn things the hard way a lot.
but then we grow up some more.
but sometimes, if we're really lucky, we don't have to do it alone.
xxx
i'm home haha.
was home yesterday actually.
it was all beach but i got tricked by my mum into putting the sunblock
so i couldn't get anymore tan lines :C
highlight was actually finding the 那些年 book for damn cheap! ;)
even though it's all vertical and fan ti zi-ish but whatever la.
besides, i hardly watch movies twice in cinemas.
cleared a shitload of stuff today.
throwing out all chem phys bio math lang arts lit hcl stuff.
ALL!!
feels good.
be back in singapore on-
actually i'm not sure.
bought one-way tickets.
will be home when we feel like, i suppose.
will miss you. six days out of five haha.
take care guys!
;)
don't you get wary every time you're too happy because you think you're just holding out until life comes and screws itself over in the only way it knows how?
"i guess, because you're almost as messed up as i am."
sad episode.
robin should be with barney, but kelvin loves her.
barney broke up with nora to be with robin.
and robin was going to do the same with kelvin
because she loves barney.
but in the end, she chose kelvin.
:(
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy,
when skies are grey.
debates interview was meh.
training was meh.
coach made me shoot till i could predict the score before rolling back :C
journey home was meh.
dinner was meh.
now gotta pack for camp.
MEH X 1090810238
kthxbai.
and by some wondrous, miraculous, impossible work of nature,
i have bangs.
i know right._.
and if you want to throw a saucepan at my head, it's fine.
but i mean it this time,
i don't.
not caring feels nice.
crunch. (;
we've waited months for this moment.
11/11/11 11:11:11
but you know, i've stopped believing in 11:11 wishes so long ago.
when you've waited so long for something,
that would be gone in a split second,
i just.
at this last minute now, i don't think i actually need it.
i don't need the 'ultimate wish' or so everyone calls it,
there isn't much i need.
i have everything i could ever want by my side.
true dat.
you said i had to take a leap of faith.
you should know i've been sure about many things in my life.
including some that just turned out all screwed and made me unsure again.
right now, i'm a hundred percent unsure.
faith is a funny thing.
usually we don't see it for the most part.
but if it's there, it's there, correct?
no.not really. i don't know.
when you've seen how the end of the world looks like before,
i guess, anything really seems possible.
like especially after today holyshit :D
aw shucks.
i'm watching tee-vee!
hell's kitchen and master chef on starworld
gordon ramsay._.
i don't know if i love or hate him.
but the food's good :D
well i see people with all these decisions to make about their future
and i don't quite know why i'm just sure._.
okay fine yeah i do.
i know i'm giving my everything to humanities and the arts
and i know that for once (rarely, at least) in my life i'm doing something right.
i just know.
gut feeling maybe? even though i've been told that my gut feeling sucked for a girl.
i don't know. but right now,
i just want to start y5. 2012.
i just, just, just just just just want to leave 2011 behind because it's easily been
the worst year of my life. i lost so much, and just thinking about it makes me sick.
i hated 2011.
some dumb righteous part of me says that i needed it,
but that doesn't mean i don't hate it.
but i suppose it's only in times like this when you realise who's real and who's faking it
and who's sticking around for you,
and who can't wait to bolt.
well okay. so history literature economics mathematics.
i know that i'd somehow knew all along because
i found out that i scribbled this combi all over a page of my math notes -.-
cca also settled. submitted.
hope everyone makes the right choice. no regrets._.
finally, finally, finally i'm doing what i want.
for once following my dream, sort of.
two more months till 2012.
maybe the world will end and we'll all be spared from facing reality? ;)
well i see people with all these decisions to make about their future
and i don't quite know why i'm just sure._.
okay fine yeah i do.
i know i'm giving my everything to humanities and the arts
and i know that for once (rarely, at least) in my life i'm doing something right.
i just know.
gut feeling maybe? even though i've been told that my gut feeling sucked for a girl.
i don't know. but right now,
i just want to start y5. 2012.
i just, just, just just just just want to leave 2011 behind because it's easily been
the worst year of my life. i lost so much, and just thinking about it makes me sick.
i hated 2011.
some dumb righteous part of me says that i needed it,
but that doesn't mean i don't hate it.
but i suppose it's only in times like this when you realise who's real and who's faking it
and who's sticking around for you,
and who can't wait to bolt.
well okay. so history literature economics mathematics.
i know that i'd somehow knew all along because
i found out that i scribbled this combi all over a page of my math notes -.-
cca also settled. submitted.
hope everyone makes the right choice. no regrets._.
finally, finally, finally i'm doing what i want.
for once following my dream, sort of.
two more months till 2012.
maybe the world will end and we'll all be spared ;)
that you just stop fighting back.
doesn't mean you're giving up,
but rather, you're accepting that some things in our lives can't really be controlled.
i need to turn back time and stop myself from making mistakes, sure.
(and not just from exams)
but if i changed the girl then,
i guess i wouldn't be the girl now, either.
don't know what to say, but that 2011 made me learnt many things the hard way.
and honestly, i don't like learning things the hard way.
but life's a bitch.
guh.
head hurts.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Nam liber tempor cum soluta nobis eleifend option congue nihil imperdiet doming id quod mazim placerat facer possim assum. Typi non habent claritatem insitam; est usus legentis in iis qui facit eorum claritatem. Investigationes demonstraverunt lectores legere me lius quod ii legunt saepius. Claritas est etiam processus dynamicus, qui sequitur mutationem consuetudium lectorum. Mirum est notare quam littera gothica, quam nunc putamus parum claram, anteposuerit litterarum formas humanitatis per seacula quarta decima et quinta decima. Eodem modo typi, qui nunc nobis videntur parum clari, fiant sollemnes in futurum.
